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Message |
    
Vulcano
New member
Username: Vulcano
Post Number: 14
Registered: 08-2005
| | Posted on Friday, August 12, 2005 - 07:51 am: | 
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Hmmm, seems like I've been thinking too much and needing some input from you after the messed up spanking last night 
I'm eight months new to actual spankings and I still get to know what I like and need. First, I'd have accepted anything just because I was sooo curious how's it's gonna feel... but I'm ever more aware of what I need and like and I'm not soo willing now to submit to his ways and not getting mine too . Well, I'd be unfair to him not to say he's attentive and tries to fulfill my desires too. But the trouble is that it seems to me that our sexual lifestyle is very difficult to get it done right... do you have the same opinion or am I wrong? It needs a lot of communication and a lot of understanding and attentiveness to body language etc. Isn't it really much more different than the more common sex because it adds something extra to the sexuality... the game of pain and power exchange? I mean, it seems to me much easier to satisfy a man or a woman in just a sex than in spanking... but I cannot say because my "normal" sexual experience is very rare. It's rather a question for you who lived in longer nonspanking relationships and switched longer ago for a spanking one. I know that it needs time, for sure, to get to understand and learn to see what the other one needs and find some ideal solution so that both get the maximum of it. Sometimes it's very difficult, if he spanks too much, I might be hurt, if he spanks too little, it's not enough and I feel damn bad then as if a woman who didn't get her climax. It's very difficult for him to see I think or maybe he's not just in the mood to give what I need at the very moment... he's not inconsiderate, way the contrary, I simply think it's more difficult to get the right understading than in a "normal" sex, isn't it? Moreover, spanking itself, at least the two of us feel it, is about him having the control... I feel completely out of the game telling him something like "spank me harder" in the middle of the actual spanking. All of it would cease to have the right appeal to me the very moment I'd do. And he feels it exactly the same way... once we start the game, it's up to him to take control and up to me to yield to it. But what if I want him to be stricter? What a paradox...  Maybe, if'd be more turned on by him having the control than by the pain itself, it would have been easier. Am I too stubborn? I try to let him see what I love without critisizing him but it seems to me that it's simply difficult for the top to see the borders, the actual mood, adjust it to his own and find the best way to deal with it... and it must be done before the actual spanking starts and without too much of words like "hey, if you're about to spank me, you should do this and that because I feel this and that..." (horrible, isn't it?, even here it could spoil the game) because then it's too late... once the game starts.... well, the only easy thing is the punishment spanking, this one could never be too light. But here, how to persuade the one to give you the punishment spanking when you need it when he himself, of course, has his own moods and problems (tired, busy, stressed or whatever) and of course, one cannot expect him to go and punish you the moment you come and say "Hey, I need a proper caning". |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 1133
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, August 12, 2005 - 10:14 am: |
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Complicated situation Vulcano, and it takes a lot ot time and practice to get things going right. The best thing I can tell you is that even though for b/f is taking control that you are really the one in control of the situation. Your attitude, posture and what you say set the scene. If you want him to spank you and spank harder try teasing him. Learn what will get his attention, let him know by your rections that he is pleasing you. He will learn what you like and need. Chat during sex also works, during sex let him know what you liked or what your fantasy is, or write him a sexy note for him to read when he is not with you. He'll catch on.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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