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Listener
New member
Username: Listener
Post Number: 3
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 09:24 am: | 
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Okay, so here's the deal.
I've been into spanking in one form or another since I was nine or so. It's odd to me because I have received all of one smack as punishment in my entire life, and I don't even remember it. I've been through all the usual trial-and-error modes: looking up spanking and associated words in the dictionary, trying it on myself, trying to finagle it from others, etc etc etc.
I find, though, that through my kind of personality, I work best as a top or a dom. (Better as an informal top, though.) I have been told I give very good spankings.
There is only one time I have ever been the bottom in an in-person spanking situation. It was when I was with a girl we'll call Tara (name changed because I can). Tara was very into getting very hard spankings. One afternoon, at her house, after lots of sex and lots of her getting spanked, I was leaning over the foot of the bed. (I believe I had just gone down on her, but I don't remember it all too well now.) She was kneeling beside me, rubbing my back. I handed her the paddle I'd used on her most recently and asked her to try it on me.
I don't know why. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember enjoying it, but I remember she didn't enjoy doing it all that much. I don't know why, and I didn't ask.
The only other time I've ever been paddled has been in a phone session with a friend of mine. We play together on rare occasions, always on the phone. She lives rather far away. She gives commands, I carry them out. We both benefit.
Oh, and the requisite self-spankings that all spankos engage in. But those are even more infrequent.
My question is: why? Am I the only top like this? Do all tops like to bottom from time to time? Or is it a spanko thing? My primary fetish is giving, but if my only choices were "receive" or "none", I would happily take whatever my partner or playmate wanted to dish out.
Thoughts? Comments? Ideas? Anything?
(Subs or bottoms commenting on how they would feel if they gave spankings on occasion are also welcome.) |
Wolfie
New member
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 16
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 11:51 am: |
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Listener, as a sub I would find turning the tables a very uncomfortable thing. I love being a sub to my Dom, I wanted him in that place of respect and control over me...to spank him (even in fun) would change the dynamics of our relationship. I dont believe I would feel the same about him as a Dom, and that would put my own sense of submission in jeopardy.
So, although there are times I might like to give him a swat, I wouldnt even if he would allow it. Which he wont. *grin* |
Headteddy
New member
Username: Headteddy
Post Number: 11
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 12:39 pm: |
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Wolfie:
TD and I have talked about this and came down in the same place as you. When we were dating and in the "try anything once" phase we agreed that if spanking and discipline were to be a part of our life it had to be M/F--because that's what fit our personalities and needs. As we have grown together over 25 years that has become our comfort zone. Others may see it differently but because we use role playing (mostly from mainstream movies-- TD is Maureen O'hara in McClintock or Lucy) thats what fits and makes us laugh and able to drop into Dom/Sub role play.
I do enjoy random pats from my love but that has nothing to do with eroticism or D/. That is simple affection.
Enjoy |
Janey
New member
Username: Janey
Post Number: 3
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 11:53 pm: |
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As a sub, I have also topped a bit for other subs. Sometimes topping makes me feel fantastic because I know what its like to be on the receiving end. However, I prefer to top for people I am NOT a sub for-- in order to maintain my respect and place in the D/s relationship.
If you like the occastional spanking - go for it. Also-- are you actually questioning WHY you have divergent and diverse spanking proclivities!!!? ;) Spanking and being spanked is fantastic, hilarious, and fun.... Go forth and spankify! |
Phantomlillith
New member
Username: Phantomlillith
Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, April 30, 2005 - 03:06 am: |
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My guy asked me to spank him the other day. It felt extremely weird to me, and I just gave him a few taps. So I don't think it's uncommon. Couldn't part of it be curiosity? Any time we get a new toy, D. usually gives himself a whack or two with it just to know what it feels like.
Personally I don't have much desire to spank another person but other Top-ly activities, yeah, I'd like to dish them out sometimes. |
Raheretic
New member
Username: Raheretic
Post Number: 5
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, May 01, 2005 - 04:34 am: |
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I believe that for many of us who share spanking as our sensual/erotic orientation, that experiencing both ends of the spanker/spankee continuum is a common evolution. I know I once was a confirmed Top and could never imagine being "spanked." I couldn't even really wrap my head around the idea of any man in the bottom role. The first BDSM play party I attended featured a really severe flogging administered by a switch wife to her switch husband. I was amazed and a bit taken aback by it all.
I was newly separated and going through a divorce then and having great success meeting women off the internet to spank. I met through that same BDSM group a very seasoned professional practitioner who undertook to teach me the technical aspects of BDSM play. As she put it I was spanking with far more enthusiasm than skill. Her instructional techniques were invaluable to me, and likley a great gift to my subsequent partners as well. Instruction included my bottoming with her to learn the sensations created by different implements and techniques. I was amazed to find that it was not humiliating and that it didn't have to be excruciatingly painful although it could be if that was the desire. Ofcourse I then Topped her too as practice.
Early on in my relationship with my T I asked her to Top me. She was at that point strcitly a submissive and found the whole concept of Topping incomprehensible. She literally cried after her first session in which she paddled me. She now is strictly a Top
I bottomed yesterday and had a difficult time getting into that space. We just purchased a lovely new leather paddle and while I hate to admit it I whined like a little girl when I was spanked. If Sue ever behaved like I did yesterday during one of her spankings she would be restrained and severely disciplinarily blistered. There are other times when I've bottomed and enjoyed it and made it into subspace.
I generally am a Top. I am continually fantasizing about spanking women. It is rare for me to meet a woman I don't want to spank. I rarely fantasize about bottoming. I find however that my enjoyment of spanking is greatly enhanced by occasional forrays into bottoming. We also find that in our somewhat unique family life (we are a fMf polyamorous triad intentional family) that the DD aspect we share of all being mutually accountable to each other is very much instrumental to our household's harmony and our all living healthily.
All the best
Tom
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. |
Rocco
New member
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 7
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 02, 2005 - 12:14 pm: |
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Listener,
I actually found myself in the scenario you describe at the end of your post "receive or none" as my Girl does not share my kink. When I shared my kink with her it was because I wanted to give her spankings and take her over my knee, as had been my (few) experiences with spanking in the past. But what we discovered is that she is more comfortable for now being the top and I have to tell you it's great. She still gets spanked and is warming up to ;) it more and more. I don't think there is anything unusual about it and I know you're not the only top like that, there's at least the two of us - Nice to meet you! |
Listener
New member
Username: Listener
Post Number: 5
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 02, 2005 - 02:47 pm: |
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I have several times offered to my wife the opportunity to switch, but she always declines. She just has no desire for it. Don't know why, but I can accept that.
Listener
"Why is it that no other species but man gets bored? Under the circumstances in which a man gets bored, a dog goes to sleep." -Walker Perry
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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 2
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 07:09 pm: |
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While I am exclusively a bottom in my current relationship, I switched in a previous one.
It didn't bother me to do it, but it wasn't a turn-on either. I did enjoy his obvious pleasure though.
He enjoyed getting as much as giving. I enjoyed getting way more, but didn't mind giving.
The only difference was that I got lots of inpromptu spankings, and he got none. He was 6'2" to my 5'5", so it's not like I could just toss him over my knee or tuck him under my arm, either. It also wasn't my natural impulse. |
Darwins
New member
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 31
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 02:28 pm: |
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I must admit to never having the inclination to switch, I enjoy the role of Dom and it is my natural inclination.
I have experienced cane, paddlel,slipper, ruler and various other impliments when I was in boarding school. They were not done in fun nor a lot of times with care, so perhaps I now have no curiosity to "see what it feels like"
What it did give me was a sense of wanting to make sure it was done right and with love and care.
I'm a king bee baby Buzzing round your hive
we can make honey baby if you let me come inside
Come on babe lets buzzzzz a while.
(Rolling Stones)
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Ichabod
New member
Username: Ichabod
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 19, 2005 - 05:17 am: |
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My inclination is to be a top but I do enjoy switching. However my wife said it did nothing for her and now I cant remember the last time it was that long ago. One time I undressed and assumed the kneeling position and called her into the bedroom. She came in and just said "Oh". She did eventually cane me but not hard enough to make the stripes last more than a day. I like to see the marks a few days later as an extra turn on. |
Maelyssa
New member
Username: Maelyssa
Post Number: 6
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 30, 2005 - 09:59 pm: |
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I tried toping once or twice, It did nothing for me. I am too selfish I want it all for myself.
My ex told my the other day he went to a professonal Mistress last summer. He had a lot of fun. I was glad to hear it but I worry now that he will not be happy if I don't agree to switch sometimes. |
Kendra
Spanko
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 133
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 30, 2005 - 10:17 pm: |
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I have decided that in order for our lifestyle to work, that the tables need to be turned. The only problem is that I'm way to small to take him otk, and I know he won't submit. Wha'do I do???
"you must tie her down and spank her, spank her well and after you've spanked her, spank me.."
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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 32
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - 08:30 am: |
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Where do you think the expression "tied to a bed and drugged" came from?  |
Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 166
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 01, 2005 - 09:22 am: |
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Pagan is right Kendra, to a point. You still want it to be consensual, but I see how he might have a hard time submitting. Instead of trying to haul him over your knee the first time, catch him when he's lying down, or when you're in bed. Something that will make it seem less traditional and allows him to go along with it.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Smartnnaughty
Junior Spanko
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 76
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 01, 2005 - 12:20 pm: |
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Great suggestion, Rocco. You really do understand how we think!
Sassy Sassy Sassy
No one can be as Sassy as me!
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Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 174
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 01, 2005 - 02:02 pm: |
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*winks at SNN*
Over time, with gentle persistence you might find him willing to go otk they way you'd like. Another thing to remember, in the beginning for sure, is to make sure each spanking you give him is enjoyable for him, is a pleasureable experience. Mix caressing and other intamte touching in with the spanking to keep his interest and enjoyment. Then perhaps find a special way of ending the interlude or rewarding him for "beng good". That will go a long way to furtering his active participation and interest.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 33
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 01, 2005 - 02:08 pm: |
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In all seriousness, I did a lot of my topping with my partner restrained. It's not like a 5'5' 125 pound (THEN) woman can restrain a 6'2" man.
I'd either tie his wrists together and then secure them over a basement floor joist, or secure his wrists to one end of the bed, and his ankles to another. Then I could flip him over (if he helped), and have access to both sides.
Another favoured position was OTK. He held his height and weight with his hands and feet (I wore high heels for both esthetic appeal and to add inches to my floor to knee height. I would use baby oil between my legs liberally, and....er...tuck him in. He seemed MOST enthusiastic. 
My apologies if this is TMI.
He has to at least be open to bottoming though. My hubby is not, which is fine. I'm not really a top - just an accomodating partner. |
Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 175
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 01, 2005 - 02:22 pm: |
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Not too much info at all Pagan. Infact I'm going to have to pass the baby oil idea on to my partner (if she becomes so inclined to tkae me OTK again) But they are all good points.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Janey
New member
Username: Janey
Post Number: 21
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 21, 2005 - 06:26 pm: |
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My "vanilla" guy (aka found out he's not as vanilla as I thought) has discovered how much he LOVES being spanked (as well as spanking me, of course).
I have found that the time and energy that I spend spanking and disciplining him when we're in those roles, actually helps HIM do a better job with me. I guess since its his first "kinky" spanky type relationship- seeing how I handle him (and reassure) him during and after a spanking informs how he does it for me. And he's doing a wonderful job.
I thought I wouldn't like it at all - but I notice that I enjoy switching roles more than I imagined, though I AM a submissive woman when it all boils down. |
Rocco
Spanko
Username: Rocco
Post Number: 274
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, June 21, 2005 - 06:53 pm: |
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That's an interesting point Janey. My GF has found (to her surprise)like you that she enjoys spanking more than she thought she would. She really is vanilla and it's been a cautious start for her. She enjoy's topping more than bottoming but they do relate, I've found that she incorporates what her spankings are like into how she gives them.
Nothing says I love you like a spanking
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Lisa
New member
Username: Lisa
Post Number: 4
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, July 11, 2005 - 09:00 am: |
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I've never had the desire to switch. Not at all. I just couldn't imagine being the spanker. |
Biggirl
New member
Username: Biggirl
Post Number: 27
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 - 10:45 am: |
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Hi All:
I definately want to switch but I don't see that happening with G. He is way too much of a wus for that. I am not putting him down & I don't want to give that impression. I just know it won't happen in our relationship. But it is something I am looking forward to in the future. Just with a different person is all. |
Bendover
New member
Username: Bendover
Post Number: 14
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 - 04:14 pm: |
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I concur with Lisa, except as the spanker. I just don't think it's in my nature to be on the bottom. Of course someone can *try* to spank me, if she's ready to accept the consequences. |
Fanny
Advanced Spanko
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 793
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 - 04:23 pm: |
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Been there, done that Ben and I wasn't ready to accept the consequences. In fact the consequences are ongoing in the reading area....
I still would be careful around me though, I have been known to give a fly by swat now and again.
"Queen of Innocence"
If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning!
"oooooo", she says!!
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