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Tess_1989
New member
Username: Tess_1989
Post Number: 1
Registered: 03-2008
| | Posted on Monday, March 03, 2008 - 04:18 am: | 
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I've been dating this guy for about five months now, and though he is dominating in other aspects of sex and our relationship, he refuses to spank me. He gives hints that he is into dominance by holding my hands down during sex, commanding me to do certain things and biting me. He's also really enthusiastic about pleasing me, and takes cues pretty well.
He actually brought up spanking once jokingly by saying that he'd spank me if he ever caught me smoking. I took that as a cue that it would be okay to introduce spanking into our bedroom. However, when I gave hints, he never jumped at the opportunity, which gave me the impression that he wasn't really interested, although upon further prodding, he would always give me a few lighthearted taps.
Then one time, I finally came clean and told him that the next time that I acted like a bitch towards him, that he should spank me. The next day, we got into a fight because I made fun of him on the phone to my friend in front of him. That night, as we lay in bed, I told him that I deserved a spanking for it. To my surprise, he obliged and told me I had to turn over for my spanking.
He started really light and when I told him that I couldn't feel it, he started spanking me harder. It started to sting a little, but I decided to tell him that it still didn't hurt. At that point, he started hitting me pretty hard, and it really did start to hurt. I decided not to tell him to stop though, and he continued for some time. Afterwards, he seemed pretty indifferent and not particularly excited about what happened.
The next day I had bruises all over my butt and I could tell that he was really traumatized by this. Since then, he has refused to spank me. Occassionaly, he will say something like "I'm going to spank you now," or "You need a spanking," at which point, he'll turn me over, pull down my pants and gently tap my butt a few times. When I asked him if he could spank me harder he flat out told me he wouldn't because he was afraid that I would bruise again. Now, whenever he "spanks" me, he'll stop immediately when he sees even the slightest hint of red. I think that he may truly be into dominance though because although he refuses to spank me, he'll tickle me severely whenever I misbehave and threaten me with it. It's as if he's replaced spanking with tickling because he knows that he can't really hurt someone by doing it.
I know that for someone that has had no experience with spanking of any kind in the past, that first spanking must've scared him. I know he's scared of being labelled abusive or causing damage, but I want to show him that it's possible to spank his girlfriend moderately hard, not cause serious bruising, but still give a decent, butt-reddening spanking. I know that I made a mistake by encouraging him to spank hard the first time instead of raising his confidence and slowly easing him into it.
Anyway, my question for you experienced spankos out there is "What can I do to rectify him confidence and make him confident to spank his girlfriend again?"
Being spanked is a really important part of my sexuality to the point where I don't orgasm without that association. It frustrates me greatly that he hints at doing it, but never does.
Please help! |
Neoserenity87
Advanced Spanko
Username: Neoserenity87
Post Number: 315
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 23, 2008 - 07:16 am: |
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.....I'm not sure if this will help at all, but have you explained all that stuff to him? (obviously not if you're talking to us about it)
In my experience guys are ALWAYS more eager to do things you like if you let them know how much it means to you, especially when it comes to turning you on. I think that it might be helpful to try and openly discuss your feelings on the matter with him. Maybe if he knew how much spanking means to you, and your frustrations he might be willing to try again. If it's too hard to talk about it face to face, try writing him a letter. It sounds like he has great potential, but he needs the assurance that he's not hurting or abusing you. I've had to get over this hump before with past relationships. A lot of times if you show him how excited spanking makes you, and explain to him that you turn the pain into good feelings it helps. Also if he does decide to try again take things VERY slowly, and establish a safe word with him. PROMISE him that if he hurts you at all and you don't like it that you will use the safe word. This will build his confidence more. Hope this helps!
-Neo
Naughty little soldiers are always caught shaking in their combat boots.
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