| Author |
Message |
    
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3510
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 - 11:18 am: | 
|
This discussion area is for males who spank females or, of course, females who are spanked by males.
I happen to fall into this category, so I will start a discussion question.
Do you consider most of your spanking to be disciplinary or erotic? I receive both, but I have to admit that they are all erotic to me.  A disciplinary spanking really hurts during the actual spanking (especially if I know I deserved it) but the afterglow is all excitment.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Weasel
Advanced Spanko
Username: Weasel
Post Number: 336
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 - 12:22 pm: |
|
We do it for erotic fun more than discipline but it's all good!
Some day you'll spank me... er thank me for this!
|
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2592
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 - 01:51 pm: |
|
Like Fanny, we do both erotic and disciplinary spankings.
I have to admit they are both erotic to me as well. |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 866
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, July 11, 2008 - 12:57 pm: |
|
Start as discipline and end as erotic. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2595
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, July 11, 2008 - 02:05 pm: |
|
I think I like that BV!!  |
Prissietl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Prissietl
Post Number: 297
Registered: 07-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 12:04 pm: |
|
I'm spoiled...its erotic all the way for me! 
Once a princess always a princess
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3521
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 02:51 pm: |
|
C'mon lets be truthful here. Even the disciplinary ones are erotic. Of course, during the spanking it hurts and it is difficult being held accountable for your actions......but the bottom is SUCH an erogenous zone and all that blood is throbbing in that area.  My goodness, just thinking about it is getting me hot!!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3522
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 02:54 pm: |
|
OH....and.....we practice OTK and the body to body contact and being held in place and his strong, firm hand on my hot, stingy bottom with me squirming and feeling him get hard against my hip......need I go on?!??!?
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 20
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, July 12, 2008 - 07:39 pm: |
|
Holy s***, Fanny. That is really graphic!!!
I could add my sensations from my point of view as a sub, but, I didn't think we could be that graphic here.
Best regards,
Ed |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3524
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 - 09:01 am: |
|
Sorry if I offended you, Ed.
I don't feel like I crossed any lines in details with sharing my point of view, but we all have our opinions and I apologize to you for making you feel uncomfortable.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 21
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 - 09:58 am: |
|
Hi Fanny,
I apologize for any confusion I may have created with my post. I was really trying to be complimentary at your wonderful descriptive ability, and in a way looking for an invitation to give my feelings on that subject.
I belong to other Forums where we must be careful not to mention certain things and so I try to sanitize what I say.
I LOVED your post and would love to share things like that, but I am always afraid to do so without invitation.
Unknowingly saying the wrong thing, even having no ill intent, is the main thing that gets me spanked at home here, and it happens so often that you would think I would have learned by now LOL!
So, since you and I and many others here are all bottoms, would a description of my sensations be welcome in this thread or should I confine it to the F/m thread that you started? I have a higher female makeup than the average male and therefore I feel very much at home talking to you ladies. I love hearing what you have to say.
Hugs,
Ed |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3525
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 - 02:00 pm: |
|
Confusion all cleared up, Ed.
I appreciate what you mean when you refer to things having no ill intent, but still somehow offends someone. It is always an issue when things are written and there is no voice inflection to help make the point clear.
In the Den, unless you specifically discuss forbidden subjects like noncensual spanking or ANY underage subject, Bethie is very easy going. You don't need to sanitize what you say, unless it it demeaning to a group of people. On a rare occasion, a joke or remark has needed to be edited because it was a clear put down.
I think it would be a great idea for you to start a similiar discussion in the F/m thread as no doubt we have men here who may be hesitant to start chat about the subject, but will respond after someone else gets the ball rolling.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Her_guy
Spanko
Username: Her_guy
Post Number: 22
Registered: 12-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 - 03:04 pm: |
|
I will do that when I get a few moments to organize my thoughts, and we will see what happens.
I'm not sure there will be too many guys interested. I have rarely run into one on a Forum. Beloved_prisoner will be there I am sure. But I am not sure who else. It would seem that we are a rare breed.
I am interested in the ladies observations of this also. Hopefully they will read it and comment.
Best regards,
Ed |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3526
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, July 13, 2008 - 09:12 pm: |
|
I don't think you are as rare as you would guess, Ed. I think some of us ladies are just more talkative. We have a LOT more lurkers than you would even imagine, and I am talking about numbers well past a thousand. We just need more people willing to speak up, especially considering that no one's true identity is ever revealed.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1861
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, July 19, 2008 - 10:53 pm: |
|
Ed (and anyone else who wondered), we take great care of make sure everyone knows this is an adult forum and no one under 18 is allowed here. We're adults talking about adult spanking here and discussions can get graphic. They can also get silly or intense depending on the situation. We're among friends here after all.
Now about Fanny's question. Spankings here are mainly for erotic reasons but since Dan is head of our household, they can also be for maintenance, attitude adjustment, or discipline.
No matter which type of spanking I get, they're all desired for different reasons and I enjoy every one of them. Like Fanny, it doesn't matter what the reason, the result is the same; I love the afterglow! 
Btw, discipline around here is rare since I'm so well-behaved. Attitude adjustment spankings are much more frequent but I can't imagine why. |
Shyster
New member
Username: Shyster
Post Number: 11
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 - 03:57 am: |
|
The spankings I've given were almost always erotic and I've never been comfortable with the genuine disciplinary kind. It boggles my mind how widely accepted and common they seem to be, and are even requested by some women.
I think I understand what disciplinary spankings are about more or less, a way to merge loving feelings and give correction and/or guidance if needed. Based on what both Fanny and Buenaventura said about disciplinary spankings still being erotic at heart, I'm guessing I'm not to far off.
My real question is how do you know when it is appropriate or not to give a disciplinary spanking to a willing partner? Just because your lady is in a bad mood or as an easy way to win an argument does not sound like a healthy relationship to me, so I am sure there is more to it then that. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3536
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 - 11:09 am: |
|
Shyster, the answer to your important question is: consent.
You are correct, a spanking should never be used to win an arguement or just because someone is in a bad mood.
In order to enter into the disciplinary world of spanking, a written or oral contract must be made and agreed upon by both parties. Infractions and consequences need to be discussed in detail in order for a spanking to be consensual, and those are the only spankings that we discuss here. The Den is not a site that tolerates abuse of any sort. So not only would the spankings you mentioned be part of an unhealthy relationship, they would also not be tolerated here. The Den is about relationships that benefit from both parties enjoying the fun but sometimes firm art of spanking.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Shyster
New member
Username: Shyster
Post Number: 12
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 - 02:28 pm: |
|
Oh I understand the importance of consent completely. I didn't mean to imply you would tolerate abuse here. That's why I like you guys, you all seem very reasonable and when it comes to discipline spankings I'm sure nobody here barges into it with their temper flaring, that everyone is reasonable enough to give themselves an appropriate cooling down period. However I have talked to people who use disciplinary spankings abusively. To put it politely such people are jerks, for the uncensored version of my opinion you'll have to use your imagination, have a good thesaurus and an in depth knowledge of the anatomy of various barnyard animals.
Those few short conversations are a big part of why I'm so leery about disciplinary spankings. But I also know from talking to other more intelligent and decent people that it can also be a good thing and very beneficial in some relationships.
It just confuses me is all. I've heard of these contracts before but they really don't sound practical. Aren't there a lot of gray areas that aren't covered no matter how simple the rules are?
Also why would the practice of disciplinary spanking be so widely needed? Are the vast majority of subs out there so lazy and/or self destructive that it's really required? Because I kinda doubt that. Or do you ladies just really like the security of knowing there is a firm hand at home to guide you?
.... and with that I think I've just answered my own question.  |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1873
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 23, 2008 - 07:03 pm: |
|
I don't think disciplinary spankings are widely needed, I think you just see a lot more of it on the web. The majority of lifestylers I know are into erotic spankings of one kind or another.
The truth is (as Fanny has pointed out), even disciplinary spankings can be erotic for reasons of their own. But there are others who don't feel a disciplinary spanking can be erotic in any way whatsoever and don't mix spanking and sex. Some people have disciplinarians that are not their romantic partner. There are also discipline fetishers. They crave discipline for the act of being held accountable. There's a lot of variety in that area.
Those of us into mainly erotic spankings have our own variations, but it seems to be pretty basic; spankings turn us on. Even the erotic minded dabble in discipline sometimes.
I know people who used to say they'd never submit to disciplinary spankings but then later thought twice about it and wanted to give it a go. It also works the other way around.
There seems to also be a lot of fantasies that revolve around disciplinary spankings delivered by force, either real or implied. You'll find plenty of that in spanko fiction and movies but that doesn't mean it's the most popular type of spanking in our lifestyle. It's just a popular theme for some. The truth is, it's hard to find a movie that isn't about discipline. For the most part, they can't seem to figure out how to deliver a spanking for any reason other than discipline. I don't believe it's a true representation of our lifestyle any more than the movies I see in the theater are representative of my life.
One other thing I'd like to point out is, I know a lot subs who engage in relationships that include discipline and they are not lazy or self-destructive in any way whatsoever. The ones I know best are very level-headed ladies who find they enjoy giving their significant other the right and responsibility to keep them level. It doesn't even mean they get those discipinary spankings regularly, it just means the dynamic for them is in place.
In fact, I've found the ones who have decided they want discipline in their life are often the most centered and easiest to get along with. If you're mature enough to ask for this type of relationship, then you should be mature enough to handle the dynamic. If you're not, then you're just asking for trouble.
For example, tops who seriously agree to discipline and then find it never works as promised can get frustrated. Their sub never straightens up and continually breaks the rules with no signs of improving their behavior. That can be trouble if both of them aren't happy with the situation. Some tops like the challenge though so you never know.
Hang around here and you'll see that us spankos are all very individual and there's a lot of variety in how we engage in spanking. We also change how we feel about spanking sometimes. There's really no way to find out more about this lifestyle than talking with other spankos. Don't let the fiction or movies define what spanking is all about. You'll do better engaging in conversations like these. Keep talking and exploring, it might help you find your own style in this big spanko world of ours. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3537
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2008 - 11:48 am: |
|
Shyster, as you well know, there are gray areas in every aspect of life. (no matter how simple any rules may be).
I am a trained crises counselor and I know of people who use the word discipline to excuse abusive behavior. These people are not into the world of spanking as we define it here. These are people who think they can misuse a person and then blame it on that person. Bethie is correct, stories and films like to use spanking as discipline because that is what seems to sell. Most people believe in accountablity and therefore like the idea of people "paying" for their crime. They are also frequently people not into the lifestyle, only fantasizing about it.
Studies show that rape is a common fantasy, but when asked if the person answering would really want to be raped, the answer is "of course not." There are a lot of people who like the idea of being "taken" but only in sensual manner. It may seem exciting to be forced into something that a person secretly desires.
That said, there are people who do benefit from discipline. Not everyone can accomplish the ridding of bad habits without some help and others like the idea of the slate being wiped clean. For others of us, a spanking is a nice way to release tension of both parties. We are not here to judge. If a spanking is consensual by both people, they have no one to answer to but themselves.
You mentioned lazy or self destructive behavior and that is an entirely separate problem. People who have no self control or who repeatedly lack self discipline, are not in the need of a spanking, they need much more intensive help. If you look at the archieves you will see posters who have written about drunk driving or other very dangerous activities. Members here are quick to point out that these are not activities that are within our discussion areas. They are life threatening behaviors.
As for myself, I am a very responsible person who is not into bratting or impulsive, negative behavior. I have recently started by own business, run a full household of six children, am writing a novel and am busy fighting cancer. However, I am a long term insomniac, mostly because I always think I can get "one" more thing accomplished before I try and sleep. A firm (not severe) spanking will distract me from pushing myself and I fall asleep well with a hot, throbby bottom. I guess it is too difficult for me to think about anything else than what had just happened.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 2619
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2008 - 04:41 pm: |
|
Shyster I live a D/d lifestyle. But we don't have a contract or "rules". It is simply a lifestyle we live and change and grow with over time.
Somtimes we try somtheing it doesn't work...we nix it. We both have open minds, we talk and we listen to each other.
I don't have to be "bad" or whatever you want to call it for a spanking. I can ask for one I can tell my husband I just need one. I'm not talking about an erotic spanking...sometimes I just have that need...sex isn't part of that kind of spanking for me not at that time.
Everyone does their own thing you have to do what works for you and your partner and not worry about what other people think. |
Carlito
New member
Username: Carlito
Post Number: 1
Registered: 07-2008
| | Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 - 05:01 am: |
|
My partner and I both want the spanking to be for disciplinary reasons. We have other ways of turning each other on to sex. We don't mix the two; it would spoil it for us. |
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 873
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, August 01, 2008 - 02:05 pm: |
|
Prissie you liar you!!!! |
Maren_s
New member
Username: Maren_s
Post Number: 3
Registered: 08-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, August 24, 2008 - 05:10 am: |
|
The times when I have truly honestly 'earned' a spanking are extremely few and far between. I'm not lazy nor do I lack self control. I'm an adult, after all. I don't misbehave.
However, I do 'need' to be spanked. It is a deep rooted need that can feel almost as intense as a panic attack if I go for too long without. After so many years of marriage, my husband knows when I'm in the intensifying grip of this need. I start to do crazy OCD-type things: I stress on little issues or clean obsessively. And by that I don't mean straightening the living room or washing dishes. I mean down on hands and knees with a toothbrush, scrubbing tile grout for four or more hours at a time.
It's not even a need I can put effectively into words without sounding either pathetic or insane. It's just a nameless, growing dread that doesn't need any particular cause to spark it. It just happens, albeit occurring more often in times of stress. Imagine constantly living as if 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'. Being spanked is almost cathartic. It relieves the internal pressure and lets me get on with my life.
I'm '29 and holding' now and I think I've got a pretty good grip on this spanking side of me. My husband and I have always lived the lifestyle. We met through Shadowlane's personals, so that made it easier, I think, than most couples have in finding one another or figuring out this thing we do. We practice both erotic spanking, maintenance and on the rare occasion hard core disciplinary ones.
I think all couples are as unique in what turns them on in regards to giving/receiving spankings, the rituals therein and why they need it. That's what makes open communication between partners and trust so very important. This is of course MHO.
(Message edited by fanny on August 24, 2008) |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3547
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, August 24, 2008 - 03:36 pm: |
|
Thanks for the input Maren, but please do not discuss underage activities as it is against site protocol.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Buenaventura
Supreme Spanko
Username: Buenaventura
Post Number: 877
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, August 24, 2008 - 07:58 pm: |
|
My spankee will never ask for a spanking right off the bat.First she want s to be told what she,s done wrong this week and she carefully makes sure there,s enough reason to spank her.If she needs more punishment she,ll bite her nails or mouth off about nothing at all. That,s a signal that she needs discipline.After she,s been disciplined and we,ve had sex the first time then she,ll ask for a spanking and depending on how she feels it,s be either the jokari or she specially like the belt( I never understand that it really leaves her marked)Thing is the spanking is only a part of what she needs the scolding is just as important if not more so but they go hand in hand Gonna start another thread about something she and I have discussed lately. |
Spanking Discussion Area