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Wtrlile177
New member
Username: Wtrlile177
Post Number: 7
Registered: 09-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 - 04:17 pm: | 
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Does anyone sometimes feel so desperate for a spanking that it is driving them crazy? I've been so stressed and irritated lately (thank you hectic holidays!) that I would give anything to just be whipped to tears and be done with it. And I give little, and bigger hints to my man, but he is too involved with his stuf (he's taking a bunch of classes this semester and blah blah blah I'm being selfish I know!) but he just doens't do it. If he starts, its only a few and not satisfying to me. Argh! Anyone else ever have this problem? What do you do?? |
Honeybun
New member
Username: Honeybun
Post Number: 3
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 - 05:29 pm: |
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Exactly ! Yes !
i want just what you described and i've bratted and acted out all week, and i see him on Sunday, so i can only hope/dread (not really dread. . . ^ ^). . .
but i do feel really guilty causing him all this stress, what with my snapping and sarcasm. He haaates my sarcasm.
i mean, i suppose i could just outright ask for it. . . but i don't want to. haha. |
Otk_brett
Spanko
Username: Otk_brett
Post Number: 32
Registered: 01-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 - 05:34 pm: |
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My suggestion is to just ask for it. Just today I texted my wife and told her that I really needed a spanking because I have felt very stressed and needed the release. She had no problem complying and is going to do it tonight. Sometimes I think we just need it and it doesn't matter if we act out for it or get it by asking. |
Honeybun
New member
Username: Honeybun
Post Number: 4
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Thursday, December 04, 2008 - 05:40 pm: |
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My problem is that the past few times he's spanked me, he hasn't spanked me as hard as i would have liked. . . at the time, i was almost in tears and he thought i wanted him to stop, and that's what i was saying, but that's not what i meant. i suppose i just really need to talk to him about it. . . but maybe if i do things to deserve it he won't be as lenient as he was last time. |
Wtrlile177
New member
Username: Wtrlile177
Post Number: 8
Registered: 09-2008
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 12:03 am: |
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I know!! It's hard to ask for it...and usually if I do outright ask for it we wind up playing around and I'll get a few swats then move on to the "main course" which just leaves me even more irritated!
And I know what you mean Honeybun, I act like a brat and act out and yell and scream at him, hoping against hope that he'll react and do something and give it to me and stand up but he just doesn't and I wind up even more disappointed and wanting. |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 207
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 07:09 am: |
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I fall into this class of naughty boys/girls too.
With my Wife being pregnant with our second child, me working 12hr shifts with some morons (who annoy me through their actions and crap that comes out of their mouths, most of the time) the atmosphere in our house can be explosive.
Quite often I react to anything she says and vice versa. Problem is I think about her spanking me properly a lot, not just a bit of fun or half a dozen smacks, but a good spanking.
However, she is pregnant which makes it difficult for otk(which is what I want), but she also has a very bad leg (well knee). She has to walk with a knee brace and stick. This limits everything.
Then there's the small matter of your 1yo daughter.We are, therefore, unable to set aside any time for ourselves let alone a spanking.
Gonna have to sort that out somehow.
Any suggestions?
The strange thing is I don't like asking for it outright, but I do want it. Maybe it's the thought that afterwards I wish I hadn't opened my mouth? (even though I want to)
Confused? Me too. |
Honeybun
New member
Username: Honeybun
Post Number: 5
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 08:36 am: |
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i know what you mean, Atomicpuppy, minus the pregnant wife and one year old daughter, of course. :]
Same with you, Wtrlile; i don't want playful swats. . . i'm sure to get those anyways, since he loves it, but i need that release. . . but then i'm faced with feelings of guilt for being such a brat and making his life harder just for something i want. . . which only fuels the fire.
It's a vicious circle. haha.
i suppose i should talk to him and tell him all this. . . |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1961
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 08:32 pm: |
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I have a question, why can't you just ask for it? Even if you can't come right out and say it plainly, can't you come up with some sort of phrase, sign, or something?
It seems to me that if you just talk to your spanker that you could come up with something that wouldn't leave that person without a doubt as to what you want. I'm sure they'd appreciate that, too.
Even with Dan and I, who are very much spankos, we have to test the waters to see if the other is in the mood. Even vanilla partners need that kind of feeling out.
I've been known to just drop it into a normal conversation though so forwardness is not a problem for me. I learned a long time ago that if you don't ask for what you want, you probably won't get it. I grew up in a big family though so speaking up was practically a matter of survival. 
Even if I don't come right out and say I want a spanking, I let him know my bottom needs some attention and where my mind is going. A long session means coordination and preparation for us. I like to set the mood, wear something enticing, and more or less get the whole spanko seduction scenario in place. Also, I have to give him the heads up so he can pick out the toys he wants to use. I have a few suggestions normally, but it's his call really.
If you don't think you're getting spanked hard enough, have you explained that to your spanker? You might consider the safe word system that uses colors to convey your level of comfort. "Green" for go, "yellow" for slow down, and "red" for stop.
One other thing, I've been in this lifestyle for a while so I've heard of the dilemma of bratting not getting you what you want. Some spankers just don't react well to bratting and often feel manipulated by the brat. If they react to the bratting and spank, it just seems to be giving in and rewarding the negative behavior. Some people just don't like being manipulated like that. Some tops feel like it's classic topping from the bottom behavior. Eventually it can become a hopeless cycle with increasing pressure from both sides; the brat increasing the negative behavior to get a reaction and the top refusing to give in to the brat.
I really feel like communication is the only way to go. I mean, really, how else are you going to get what you want? You just told us, now go tell that person who spanks you.  |
Honeybun
New member
Username: Honeybun
Post Number: 6
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Friday, December 05, 2008 - 08:56 pm: |
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You're very right, i know you are. :] We decided on the stoplight system a while back, but we've never really used it.
i don't think the bratting thing is working, either. i was planning to just provoke him when i see him on Sunday, but i'm re-thinking that now. . . which is probably smart.
i suppose i should just suck it up and talk to him. We usually communicate very well, but i hate asking for it. |
Wtrlile177
New member
Username: Wtrlile177
Post Number: 9
Registered: 09-2008
| | Posted on Saturday, December 06, 2008 - 09:38 pm: |
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I know you are right too. I just always feel guilty bringing it up and "bugging" him about it. I want so badly for him to just be the dom I want him to be, to stand up and be dominant dangit! To when we agree on rules that he would enforce him. That really I wouldn't feel the need to brat to try to get him to give me that release. Because I'm sure he feels just like you say Bethie that I am manipulating him into doing what I want...but when I don't do something to provoke it I feel like I'd never get the release I need. And I just want it so darn bad! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3617
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 12:35 am: |
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I am in complete agreement with the bratting situation. The vast majority of tops I know do not like immature behavior and find it a bit of a turn-off.
When you say that you feel the need to brat to provoke him into spanking you, you are working against the very thing you desire. Possibly finding a more mature method of discussion will make things more clear. As I have mentioned in an earlier post, I will let my husband know that I am tense and need some "help". He knows exactly what that means so I don't actually have to ask and I don't have to brat to get his attention.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 209
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 11:09 am: |
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When you more experienced spanko's reply it's easy to see that you have found a way to get what you want/deserve without outright asking for it which is why you can't beat(lol) experience.
However, I'm a novice to this really. I don't brat though I am annoying.
It's not a case of what to do, but more of how to do it......
Just tell them............Now you would think that was the easy part and yet it seems so hard.
Playful swats are needed too. Now it's getting them at the right time.
Ah TIME..............So little time these days.
Seems to be work, eat, sleep (well sort of).
Our 1yo daughter is wonderful, but she's at that stage where she can walk and sort of talk so not much time for rest or play.
Another on the way (due next May)........A lot of you have children.
How do you make a little time for yourself?
My job also dictates our lives as I work 12hr day/night shifts which include 4 out of 8 weekends.
The only people who could babysit is my Wife's parents. I don't really want to tell them why.
(I have a hard time lying) |
Honeybun
New member
Username: Honeybun
Post Number: 7
Registered: 12-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 11:12 am: |
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Last night on the phone, i told him how stressed i had been lately, and he said, "I wish I could help you be un-stressed." i replied with, "you could, tomorrow. . . " and he said, "I could, couldn't I?"
i wasn't sure if he was on the same page as i was, and we were both around people so we couldn't come right out and say it, so i asked if he knew what i meant, and he responded with
"You left your hairbrush here last time, by the way."
^ ^
We'll probably talk about it today, but it's nice to know that we're on the same page. :] |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1962
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 02:32 pm: |
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Bear with me, folks, I have a lot to say this afternoon.
Wtrlile, you say you want him to be dominant, but has he fully agreed to take on that role? I know spankers will say they want the role, but then life sneaks in and disrupts that plan. It may be time to revisit that discussion.
Also, in order for him to be dominant, you have to balance that with your submission. If you're provoking him, you're tossing your submission out at that point. You can't force him to be dominant, he either will or he won't.
Have you tried taking another type of approach? Sometimes the best way to bring out the dominance in someone is to elevate them with your submission. Your submission is a gift to him, not a crowbar you get to use as leverage against him.
Think about what you really want from your relationship and have a heart to heart talk with him. You're frustrated and it's got to be having an effect on your relationship. You need release and he's the one who can give it to you so let him know that. Don't demand it or provoke him into a response, just try letting go and giving him control. Take a deep breath and tell him you're putting yourself in his hands. A change in your attitude might inspire him. Do you think you can try this?
Atomicpuppy said, "When you more experienced spanko's reply it's easy to see that you have found a way to get what you want/deserve without outright asking for it which is why you can't beat(lol) experience."
I don't want you to misunderstand what I was trying to say, I'll outright ask for it if I want to. Like I said earlier, I learned early in life that if you dont ask for it, you probably won't get it. The people in my life can thank my older sisters for that lesson. 
I was just trying to point out that if you don't want to do that, there are ways to drop hints if you both understand what the hint is about. Like Fanny said, she can has cue words that he understands and she doesn't have to behave negatively to get his attention.
In my case, I've been with Dan long enough that we have our ways of letting each other know what we want. I don't have to come right out and say I want a spanking, but I still occasionally will just flat say, "Hey, I need some spanking and soon!"
I've always found the direct way leaves little room for miscommunication.
But before you get to the point where you can drop those indirect hints, you should have already communicated to your partner what those hints mean. You can drop hints or brat all day but if your partner doesn't know what you're trying to say behind those actions, you may never get what you want. Your partner could just miss the hint or think you've just had a bad day and you're grumpy. If on the other hand, you've let your partner know that when you say you need some stress relief or that if you blow a raspberry in their direction that is their cue to spank, you probably won't be misunderstood.
I think I may not have been as clear about that earlier. My way of being subtle and setting the mood may not work for everyone else so I wasn't specific. Setting the mood to me means asking Dan if he wants to watch a spanking movie or asking if that night would be a good night for bondage or spanking play. I've been known to drop that sort of question into a normal conversation.
In preparation for a play session, I'll put on something skimpy and maybe open a bottle of wine. That's what I meant about the seduction part.
If I don't want to bother with all of that or I want a spur of the moment spanking, I'll just put on something skimpy and flash some spankable panties at him. The ones that say "Spank Me" across the back usually work best for that move.
That's subtle for me and I know that doesn't work for everyone, you have to find your own way. But first, you have to make sure your partner understands what those more subtle signs mean. Don't leave it to chance or hope that something that gets you spanked once will work every time unless you've made it very clear that is what you expect.
Btw, Atomicpuppy, I don't know your situation completely, but have you considered just telling your in-laws that you two would like to schedule regular/weekly date nights at their convenience? I've found that the amount of time it would take to have dinner and see a movie can be enough sometimes.
Then you and your wife can come up with some sort of plan for keeping track of instances of bad behavior that can be dealt with on "date night." That way, both of you will know that relief is on the way.
A dry erase board on the fridge is a great way of keeping track of "black marks" until you have time to deal with them. You don't have to identify the marks and if anyone asks what you're keeping track of, tell them you're keeping track of how many sodas, beers, cigarettes, or whatever you can think of that makes sense to count. Discuss it with your wife and see if she's agreeable. It might be good for her mood, too, because when you get on her nerves she can go over and make a mark on your board knowing she'll get to take care of it later.
As for the physical limitations, can you get some implements she can wield with results you'll both enjoy? You don't have to get fancy or buy a lot, just look around and get creative. Have you tried belts (go buy a heavy leather one if you have to), cutting boards or wooden spoons with long handles (cooking stores are great places to find "pervertables"), switches, or other handy items? I've found that those old Jokari paddles you can still find on auctions sites (Ebay) make great cheap as well as effective toys and they usually come in pairs so you always have a backup.  |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 210
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 04:32 pm: |
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Thanks for the advice. Taken onboard.
My situation is pretty messed up, to be honest.
(Marriage is good, Daughter is wonderful. family side of things,well that's another story)
I have so much going around in my head I don't know where to start which sometimes strains our relationship.
Slowly, but surely I'm sorting these out. Though often an outsiders advice can be more helpful.
I'm a thinker(not always a good thing) and up until this last year a worrier. Not so much now, BUT I do have a family and they come first. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3618
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 07:57 pm: |
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Atomicpuppy, in response to your questions about those of us with children. We have six. The most difficult part of being a parent is that there are going to be times that just about everything is off limits (including sleep). You do the best you can to fit in fun times, but you have to be realistic enough to understand and even the best laid plans are going to fail on occasion.
We have learned to be as creative as we can. We have used quiet impliments and we have spanked in the garage after the kids are in bed at times.
Real life gets in the way with all of us. You don't need to give any reason to your in-laws about asking for a bit of free time so you can both get some rest or time alone together before the second baby comes along. People do it all the time, so it would draw no suspicion.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Wtrlile177
New member
Username: Wtrlile177
Post Number: 11
Registered: 09-2008
| | Posted on Sunday, December 07, 2008 - 08:59 pm: |
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Bethie I think you hit the nail on the head with the whole he agreed and then life gets in the way. We had actually started this back when we first got married after our premarital counselor advised (after a personality test for both of us) that he should take the more dominant role in the marriage. But then a year or so ago the trust was broken in a huge way and we stopped dead with the dd. I did not trust him with it. Now we are working towards healed and one of the major healing moments was when I allowed him to spank me again for the first time and put it in his hands. Its been up and down since then, I wrote him a story that was all about giving up control and him demanding respect if he wanted it and having consequenses and then we got into it again, but I guess I always feel as if it is forced, or kind of on the back burner in our day to day life. I yearn for a consistent dom, one who keeps me under his wing perse all the time, not just every so often when it gets bad. So what I'm taking from what you say Bethie is that if I act submissive, he will (hopefully) automatically take on the dominant role? And maybe talk to him about it. Although I hate to sound like a broken record to him and keep bugging him about it, but on the other hand if he's 'just not that into it' he should tell me! So yes, I will try. Any other submissive ideas? Hints? |
Atomicpuppy
Advanced Spanko
Username: Atomicpuppy
Post Number: 211
Registered: 08-2006
| | Posted on Friday, December 12, 2008 - 09:57 am: |
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Six children, Fanny!
That must be pretty tough.
In relative terms I'm , once again the novice, in being a parent. It's our first child, she is now 15 months old and takes a lot of looking after. Partly because we are over doing things, but it is a learning curve. Our second, due next year, is suppose to be easier. or so those that have more than 1 child tell us.
Your right about the in-laws or any babysitter for that matter. Why would I did to tell them anything.
One of the biggest things that my Wife and I have to do is spend some quality time together. We haven't done that since our daughter's birth.
Once the new arrival is here it will be back to non stop work for several months especially as she will be breasting feeding (every 2hrs to start with )
I've also come to realise , a good time ago, that planning things for the future rarely play out the way you want, but that's life and we are just trying to do the best we can, like everyone else I guess. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3621
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 12, 2008 - 04:05 pm: |
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To tell you the truth six kids are not harder than three. Once the kids out-numbered the parents, you are pretty well sunk!
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Mrscurrington0114
New member
Username: Mrscurrington0114
Post Number: 3
Registered: 09-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, September 09, 2010 - 02:34 pm: |
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I am new to this site, so I am reading some of the older posts. I can certainly relate to this post. I asked my fiance in our usual morning email, if he would find at least 1 household implement to spank me with this afternoon/tonight. He has used his hand a couple of different times, and I really liked it. He just stopped too soon. I am hoping that he will take my request to heart and turn my tail a nice bright shade of red. |
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