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Lifeisshort
New member
Username: Lifeisshort
Post Number: 1
Registered: 03-2010
| | Posted on Friday, March 19, 2010 - 06:07 pm: | 
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My boyfriend wants to spank me for being a bitchy and not doing my part around the house and I haven't never been spanked before so this all new to me what do I do he says I deserve it we been together almost a year and a half and he has joked about it but never actully been serious and he really is being serious now he said he is going to straiten my attitude out yall have any advice |
Yorkie69
Spanko
Username: Yorkie69
Post Number: 52
Registered: 01-2010
| | Posted on Friday, March 19, 2010 - 06:27 pm: |
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I'd be very careful indeed. What are his motives? Does he really want to hurt you or is he just saying those things to lead into it because he doesn't know any better? As I've found out myself and from other folk here, open and honest communication between the two of you is essential. And above all, it must be consentual - both of you must be willing partners.
In my case, I asked my wife to spank me and she agreed. If she hadn't then it wouldn't have happened. She understood that I had this need and she loved me enough to do it for me. Like I said, discuss openly and honestly what are his motives. I can understand the urge to spank a loved one's bottom. I'd really love to spank my wife but she only sees it as punishment and not something to enjoy so I don't push it.
I hope you can sort this out. Spanking can be fun and very sensual but if all he wants to do is beat the stuffings out of you then I'd say no go. I hope, for your sake it's just his way of saying that he'd love to spank you but can't think of any other way to ask you.
Good luck!
Yorkie |
Lifeisshort
New member
Username: Lifeisshort
Post Number: 2
Registered: 03-2010
| | Posted on Friday, March 19, 2010 - 08:26 pm: |
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Well he has never laid his hands on me in no way what so ever he spoils me rotten as matter of fact he treats me like a princess lol. But I ask him if he was being serious just little bit ago and he just said be prepared because hollow threats aint working no more.
I asked him what the point of it was he said it was going to teach me responsibility for my actions if I am going to act like a child then I am going to get spanked. I asked him if he had ever spanked anyone before and he said yea his old girlfriend when she deserved it. So I have heard about guys turning abusive how would I know if that was going to be the case I haven't seen any signs but I am worried. |
Yorkie69
Spanko
Username: Yorkie69
Post Number: 53
Registered: 01-2010
| | Posted on Saturday, March 20, 2010 - 03:03 am: |
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Did you ask to be taught responsibility? Who is he to decide that you need to be spanked for this? Unless you have given him permission to do this I would call it abuse. All the relationships here on this site consist of 2 people who ENJOY spanking and enjoy it consentually. Even those who receice spankings as punishment all have safe words or other means to end it if it becomes too much. Will this happen for you? Will he cease to do it if you do not want him to? I hope so for your sake. Adult spanking is, as far as I'm concerned, supposed to be a fun and safe activity. I hope you are able to exoerience it that way. |
Lifeisshort
New member
Username: Lifeisshort
Post Number: 3
Registered: 03-2010
| | Posted on Saturday, March 20, 2010 - 11:50 am: |
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No I have never asked him to spank me or teach me anything like that. But last night he came in after work and we eat dinner and was bout to go to bed he came up behind me and said I haven't forgot bout that and grabbed my wrist with one hand bent me over the bed and some how or another he has accumulated a stirring stick for 5 gallon paint and he spanked me with it he said 40 times I didn't keep count but afterward he sat and held me and petted on me and kept telling me over and over he loved me and this morning he woke me up and proposed to me before he went to work. I don't know I didn't like that it hurt I am in no hurry to get spanked again but he did say if we get married I better get used to it. What do I do about this because I do love him but this is not how I pictured my relationship being. I appreciate your help and input thank. |
Yorkie69
Spanko
Username: Yorkie69
Post Number: 54
Registered: 01-2010
| | Posted on Saturday, March 20, 2010 - 05:33 pm: |
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I'd say he just stepeed over the line there. You are an adult, not a child. Whether you behave like a child (according to him at least) or not is irrelevant. You didn't give your consent to it and like I said, who does he think he is to deal out physical punishment just bexause he thinks you deserve it. It's entirely up to you but I'd tell him you need to have a serious talk before you commit to anything with him.
I said before that I have fantasies about spanking my wife and I have actually done it before but not without her permission. I associiate spanking with erotic sensations but my wife does not so if I do spank her again, it will not be to punish her but to try and let her enjoy the sensual side of it but only if she consents to it.
She trusts me enough to do this. We both admit neither of us is perfect and we love each other deeply. She loves me enough to indulge me with my spanking tendencies. She doen't understand it but she does it for me.
My point is we are equal partners and neither one of us treats the other like your boyfriend treats you. I've never caused her physical harm and she me let alone with the intent to "teach someone a lesson" or similar.
This is your choice and I've given you my opinion. I've been married 20 years and we've been togeter for 23. I think he has taken liberties with you and crossed boundaries. Spanking, to me, is supposed tob fun and safe no matter the form it takes. If you wish to be "punished" because you have been a "naughty girl" and you enjoy that kind of rolr play in your relationship as others do in a safe, consensual (spelled it correctly this time) way then go for it.
From what you've said, you didn't consent and you didn't like it. I think you and your boyfriend need to sort this out as adults. If he has a sexual thing with spanking then he needs your consent and you BOTH have to work out what is good for you.
Hope this helps and I sincerely hope your boyfriend sees sense.
Yorkie |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 2055
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 - 12:57 am: |
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What do you do? You stand up for yourself and refuse to move forward with this man until he understands you have the right to say "no" to him. This lifestyle is about adults consenting to spankings; not about one partner deciding they are going to force spankings on the other. Without consent, it's abuse.
Before he ever announced to you he was going to spank you with the intent of actually following through with it, the two of you should have discussed this lifestyle thoroughly. Then if you both had decided to include spanking in your relationship, you should have agreed to terms and limits. He should never have spanked you without your complete agreement.
Even those of us in domestic discipline (DD), master or mistress/slave, or any other power exchange arrangements where the spanker administers the spankings, the bottom had to agree to the arrangement first. You have to give your consent to be spanked (even if you agree spanking is at his discretion) or it's not consensual.
I'm offended by his proposal the next day. He spanked you without your agreement and then he proposes the next day? Sorry, but that sounds a little suspicious to me. It's as if he's trying to either coerce you into commitment or placate you to keep you under control. Either way, it's wrong.
He may want this type of relationship, but unless you consent, you cannot let this continue no matter how much you love him. Love goes both ways, you know. It's not love if you give up your rights as a person and a partner in order to stay in the relationship.
Believe me, I've been in this lifestyle my entire adult life and this isn't the first time I've seen this sort of thing happen. In time you will probably grow to resent or dislike him. Even if you think it's worth it now to put up with a little spanking in order to keep his love and enter into marriage with him, unless you give your consent freely by your own choice, eventually resentment or anger will take root. You need to stand up now and deal with this before it goes any further.
This probably isn't the advice you thought you'd get here, but this lifestyle isn't for everyone and I know that well. This entire episode may have been his fantasy, and this sort of scenario does show up in spanking fiction, but this is reality and you have to do what's right for you. Good luck and let us know how it works out.  |
Lifeisshort
New member
Username: Lifeisshort
Post Number: 4
Registered: 03-2010
| | Posted on Friday, April 16, 2010 - 08:25 pm: |
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Well I sat down and talked with him about it, he said that he loves me and don't want to lose me. I told him I didn't appreciate his approach to the situation. We decided (to please his desires) we would set somethings and if thought I deserved as well then I would allow it but he has to make sure its ok with me as well. How can I make the situation more comfortable because I'm just new at this but his whole family has the same mind frame so its a little more understanding where he gets this idea. I also told him he starts getting possessive or controling it will stop. So I just looking for some opinions please! |
Yorkie69
Spanko
Username: Yorkie69
Post Number: 85
Registered: 01-2010
| | Posted on Saturday, April 17, 2010 - 02:00 am: |
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Well done . You've taken the first steps but I still am wary about this "deserving" attitude. If you want to be spanked to correct some behavioural things that's fine but that is the key - it is up to YOU not him.
As I said before if a person happens to think someone is bratty, bitchy or whatever it is not up to them pass judgement and take things into their own hands and teach the other person a lesson. All the spankees I know of who receive spankings actually want to be spanked. If you don't want it then don't allow it and if he loves you at all he should repsect that.
All the best,
yorkie
Nothing says "I love you" like a warm bottom
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Scartlet_bottoms
Spanko
Username: Scartlet_bottoms
Post Number: 21
Registered: 01-2010
| | Posted on Wednesday, April 21, 2010 - 05:45 pm: |
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I am very concerned for you Lifeisshort. From what you said I did not sense you enjoyed being spanked and that you are "going along" with him somewhat unsure of yourself. I'd be very careful if I were you.If you have any reservations don't agree to anything. Once a pattern of acceptance is established it can be hard to break free of. If he insists on spanking you without your full agreement then I'd say run as fast as you can-He has started off on a very poor footing by spanking you as he did and i'd be very suspicious-but that's just me.I was married many years before I felt safe enough to share my feelings with my partner about being spanked and when it comes down to it I control the where when and why of it. Take care. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 3717
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, May 02, 2010 - 12:09 pm: |
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I agree, please be careful. There are many people who have had a loved one convience them that they "deserved" punishment in one form or another. The problem is, that you begin to believe it yourself, that you DO deserve to be punished, and it can cause real emotional pain in yourself. Don't agree to anything is there is a possiblity of you being coerced.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Lifeisshort
New member
Username: Lifeisshort
Post Number: 5
Registered: 03-2010
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 05, 2010 - 10:04 pm: |
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well he don't act like he trying to control me or nothing. I still do everything I want to do he just told me things like I need to do the laundry and load/unload dishwasher and be nicer to him and especially the people around me bc I guess I can be sort of short and ill tempered. He hasn't got more demanding or nothing actually its like it never even happened. But then again I haven't actully tested it either. I don't think he is trying to force me into stuff he treats me like I can walk on water he don't act like he's trying to hurt me or control me. To be honest its kinda like as long as I keep up what I am suppose to its all good. I am very unsure about this we don't really talk about it we act like we did before it happenedi was thinking about breaking my end of the deal just to see what happens to see if I can handle this before I marry into this life style. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 2063
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 06, 2010 - 08:35 pm: |
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This lifestyle is all about choices and I'm still not convinced you've chosen this for yourself; it sounds more like you have been forced into this by his choosing it for you. You have to want this and you have to discuss this topic thoroughly before going any further! It just doesn't sound like this is your choice and that's not right.
Discuss this with him now. Don't break a rule to see what will happen, that just shows you're unsure of what type of relationship you have and that is not what this lifestyle is about. You have to want this as much or him or it will not work - for either of you. |
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