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Message |
    
Misschelle
New member
Username: Misschelle
Post Number: 1
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Sunday, November 14, 2010 - 03:01 am: | 
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Ok So I've been with my partner for 6 years , I had mention a few times that I liked being spanked and a few weeks ok I actuatually told him I wanted a spanking.. and he gave me a couple ahhh and they were everything I could have dreamed of and more!! :D But now its kind of stopped.. we are living with flatmates so that does make it hard but I don't want to have to bring it up with him.. Last night I was blatently being a bitch an thinking about it now I don't see why he didn't just bend me over his lap... hmmm |
Imabadgirl
New member
Username: Imabadgirl
Post Number: 13
Registered: 11-2010
| | Posted on Sunday, November 14, 2010 - 03:52 am: |
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Hello Misschelle, welcome to the forum. I'm new here, too. I've had this problem before as well. In the early part of my relationship with my bf (which I know you're not in with yours) I would do the same thing trying to push his hot buttons in order to bait him into taking me over his knee and giving me the spanking I desperately wanted and it often failed. In his case he didn't realize what I was doing. He thought I was mad at him or just in general having a bad day. After talking to him about it I told him that I didn't want to have to come right out and say I need a spanking and that acting like that was my way of saying I need a spanking. I'll admit that this doesn't always work for me, but ever since I told him about it he's much better at picking up my signals. Other times it's just a matter of his mood. He may be picking up the signals, but he's just not in the mood for it at that time. Another thing that makes it a bit tricky is that maybe you're actually having a crummy day causing you to say or do things that come across as an attempt to bait him into spanking, but really it's because of what you're feeling at that time and not because you want to be spanked then. Of course this is where your partner needs to be able to distinguish between you trying to get a spanking and you having a bad day and just needing him to listen to you and be there for you. I know it can be embarrassing to talk about this stuff with him, it still is for me with my bf, but the more you talk to him about it the more likely he will start picking up your signals for a spanking as well as knowing when you're actually mad or having a bad day and just in need of being able to vent your feelings. If there's one thing I've learned about men it's that they're not mind readers (much to my dismay haha). As embarrassing as it is, sometimes you just need to have one of those talks where you lay it all out for him. I know it's easier said than done. I still have a hard time talking with my bf about these things sometimes. But I can tell you that after I have one of those talks with him he's much better about meeting my needs without me having to spell it out for him every time after that. You already got the first hard part out of the way telling him you want to be spanked, now it's a matter of having a discussion about things like how you would like to be spanked, how to pick up your signals, and of course the boundaries of this aspect of your relationship.
Also, he may have issues of his own about spanking you. A lot of men have a hard time with hitting their girlfriend or wife even if it's in the context of consensual manner like this where they really want them to. If you have this discussion with him it will also be a good chance for him to share his concerns about this and why he might be having a hard time meeting your needs when it comes to this issue.
Good luck and I hope you're able to work this out with him.  |
Chuck
Spanko
Username: Chuck
Post Number: 37
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, November 14, 2010 - 09:13 am: |
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Ladies, you have covered a bunch of issues here.
Do want him to discipline you with a punishment spanking or do you just want a spanking for the sensation?
Acting the “bitch” is not a good way to let him know you want a spanking unless being a brat is part of your routine. I personally find it unpleasant. Actually being bitchy generally turns everyone around you including your man off and makes them want to get away from you. Try a little sarcasm or attitude . You can be very sharp with both and not be generally unpleasant. Teach him to recognize the signs. Tell him and reward him.
There can be another issue with signs and cues. Do not be surprised if one day you are really are having a bad day and planning to head to the Mall for some shopping therapy but find you are being marched to the bedroom for a spanking. It is hard to explain you are too busy or have plans while you are standing in the corner with your bottom on fire.
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Imabadgirl
New member
Username: Imabadgirl
Post Number: 15
Registered: 11-2010
| | Posted on Sunday, November 14, 2010 - 07:16 pm: |
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You make very good points about the issues with signs and cues, Chuck. The last thing you need is some plans being disrupted because of misinterpreted signals or cues. For me, when I act "bitchy" it's pretty much in the manner you have described with a little sarcasm or "attitude". In reality, I'm quite uncomfortable being rude and snappy with him, especially in front of other people. These were the kind of things we talked about when we had our discussion about signs and cues.
When I do this it's usually because I'm craving the sensation of being bent over his knee and having my bottom smacked with his bare hand, but there are times when I want a true discipline spanking. |
Subbie
Advanced Spanko
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 363
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Sunday, November 14, 2010 - 08:22 pm: |
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I understand that it may not be easy for some of us to come right out and ask, say it. but for me I feel if our partners can let us know when they want some sex, then we should not be afraid to let them know about our needs. for me I will let it be known before I would brat. I'm sure husbands/wives gf/bf won't faint, just my 2 cents worth
my name says it all
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Chuck
Spanko
Username: Chuck
Post Number: 39
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Monday, November 15, 2010 - 08:07 am: |
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One more suggestion is to write your bf a letter that is clear, direct and spells out exactly what you want and how you want it. Later when he is not picking up your signs hand him a copy of the letter and say please read paragraph two and four. Take the letter back and put in the desk for future use.
Ask him if he is man enough to handle that chore. |
Rosycheeks
Spanko
Username: Rosycheeks
Post Number: 49
Registered: 05-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, November 18, 2010 - 11:26 pm: |
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Chuck, I'm not so sure sarcasm and attitude are really such good tools to get what you want particularly when just getting started.These still are "Bratting" tactics. You were right in saying that Misschell's man may not be tuned in to her signals-my advice would be to talk more about this with your man Misschell. The letter that Chuck suggested is a great start if you feel uncomfortable going straight in to discussion-as long as he is willing to read it.
I wouldn't suggest asking him if he is "Man enough" to handle that chore-why sound as if you are putting him down? You want a partner that is working with you, not trying to prove something.
Chuck I'm not dising your advice so please don't take offence. I just think partners should be very straightforward with each otherwhen starting out on the whole DD-spanking lifestyle otherwise misunderstandings can happen and relationships could suffer. |
Chuck
Spanko
Username: Chuck
Post Number: 41
Registered: 07-2005
| | Posted on Friday, November 19, 2010 - 09:26 am: |
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Rosycheeks, please no offense taken at all. This is a classic case of me not expressing myself very well.
My advice was given believing Missschelle had had the talk with bf and he got the message and she got spanked but he stopped the spanking response to her signals. My advice was more of a "work around" or follow up -letter,playful sarcasm, attitude with a wink, and a sassy "man enough"
The final answer is communicate, communicate, communicate. It is the universal correct advice for all relationships. Never assume the other party gets it or sees it the same way you do.
I have said this before. Men are dumb animals. They see their woman crying or mad at them and they may not have as clue as to why. Spell it out for them. Tell them what you are going to say, say it, repeat it and then answer questions.
Also, when he does what you want, in this case tan your bottom, reward him in ways that will reinforce the behavior. |
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