| Author |
Message |
    
Devon
New member
Username: Devon
Post Number: 6
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, February 03, 2011 - 04:24 pm: | 
|
my b/f and I have just started playing around with spanking. I got him into it, I finally put my brave-hat on and told him I liked being spanked. He's spanked me a few times, a few swats and some play that leads to sex, and I know he likes it, its just that now, I dont know how to talk to him about spanking me for real. I dont know if I should just see if it progresses there or not, Im kinda thinking it wont... this is a make or break for me in a relationship and I love him very much, I dont want to break up with him without trying! any advice out there from some pros?? |
Rosycheeks
Spanko
Username: Rosycheeks
Post Number: 57
Registered: 05-2010
| | Posted on Thursday, February 10, 2011 - 05:33 am: |
|
The only thing I can say is"communication!". talk to him tell him how spanking makes you feel-let him know how important it is to you and then ask him if he thinks he would be able to do this for you.Ask him what he feels when he spanks you.It might take some time for him to get into it - is he willing to try?
Good luck |
Tomhobbes
New member
Username: Tomhobbes
Post Number: 3
Registered: 09-2006
| | Posted on Monday, March 07, 2011 - 03:16 pm: |
|
Vanillas [like your bf and my wife] need communication from us and some encouragement and detail. They care for us and will enjoy the fruits of spanking but are not natural at it and often unsure of how far to go, when, what to use, and so on. So you need sometime when you are cuddling to say "I really love it when you spank me, but . . I would like somethng a bit longer and harder. Nothing to leave bruises or brutal but some extended, serious caring spanking would be really, really hot for me." Something like that. And even during a spanking it would not hurt to communicate and say "harder, please" or wiggle your backside to encourage more, or "how about over your knee for a warmup and over the end of the bed with your belt?" Whatever you want, communicate it. You care for him and would likely do something if he asked, right? As long as he is willing and he certainly seems to be, tell him in more detail what you would find exciting. Those who care for us are always afraid of hurting us and spanking someone whom you love is not a normal or easy thing for some people to do. And, of course, when he responds with a really hot spanking reward him with cuddles, kisses, and other appreciation to reinforce the message. It took me years to get my wife where she would not only initiate but go as far and farther than I wanted. |
Devon
New member
Username: Devon
Post Number: 8
Registered: 10-2010
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2011 - 09:38 pm: |
|
thank you very much for your time and thoughts! i haven't really had a spanking since or really even been intimate (we've been craaazy busy). this sounds like common sense, but thanks for the tips. im going to try these and ill let you know how it goes.
@Tomhobbes - i have a couple questions but dont know if i should ask/answer them here on the board. can i msg you? |
Zippo
Prime Spanko
Username: Zippo
Post Number: 1737
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 - 12:10 am: |
|
Devon, you have undertaken a difficult task. Trying to convert a vanilla into a spanko. It can be done, but requires, patience, encouragement, and good communication and feedback. I recently answered another thread in the intro area titled ive been lurking.
http://www.spankingden.com/discus/messages/24/23036.html?129978701
That thread has some similarities to this one, it may offer you some additional advice. Tomhobbes spoke of an important aspect of a vanillas mind, being afraid that they will hurt you. I speak from a mans point of view, many were raised not to hit a woman in any fashion, so it requires a bit of a leap for them to do so in any other manner than a brief fanny tapping prior to sex. He also spoke of rewarding efforts, good communication is paramount and honest feedback to him will help so he doesnt get discouraged. Take your time allow him to become used to the idea of spanking you. Let him read some spanking stories and tell him how you wish that was you, or how hot they make you. Also to take some of the pressure off, you can suggest role playing a scene, in which your poor unsuspecting bottom just happens to land across his knee. I wish you the best in your efforts!
The Brat Tamer...changing brats attitudes one smack at a time
|
Rudeaberry
New member
Username: Rudeaberry
Post Number: 9
Registered: 01-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 16, 2011 - 02:49 pm: |
|
Showing him some M/F spanking photographs or cartoons - or leaving these in places for him to discover - should also prove helpful. Most red-blooded males enjoy the sight of a lady being taken in hand by her man, especially when her facial expression conveys a mixture of pleasure and pain. |
Iluv2bspanked
New member
Username: Iluv2bspanked
Post Number: 3
Registered: 03-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 - 08:30 pm: |
|
If you find it hard to say it to him, write him a letter detaiking everything you feel. Sometimes it's easier to write it than to say it. |
Annalee
New member
Username: Annalee
Post Number: 6
Registered: 05-2010
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 23, 2011 - 10:28 pm: |
|
I posted this past week that it was nearly one year before we got "under way".
I literally had to say "when you spank me do it all in a row, like one after another" He laughed a little and said "like all in a row, well OK, I didn't want to hurt you"
He then went at it with both hands so that within a few minutes I was thinking "holy bleep bleep he is strong!"
The passive smack, kiss, rub, kiss and little swat approach was making the wanting/desiring worse than not having spoken up at all. |
Mbottom
New member
Username: Mbottom
Post Number: 4
Registered: 04-2011
| | Posted on Thursday, April 28, 2011 - 04:44 pm: |
|
So much good advice here....I would agree that communication is key & it is easier to do it in writing, if you have a hard time face to face...I started by sending emails to my husband.. Saying everything from how hard, how long, anticipation, etc.. It has helped us tremendously!! Because like Annalee, I was also having issues with smack kiss fondle smack... Now if I could get more of a warm up, everything would be great. Time for another email.  Good luck Devon. |
Brandspankingnew
New member
Username: Brandspankingnew
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 11, 2011 - 07:26 am: |
|
I am so extremely thrilled that Mbotton finally opened up to me ...like most men the thought and process of spanking ur partner gets us turned on to the point that either we will be insanely rough or just the opposite for fear of going to far....my suggestion is to let ur spanker know that you can handle more ...and step by step instructions helps us newbies ....the erotic aspect is not lost especially if u keep a separate email account just for u two to be open in...obviously not everyone reacts the same but it works well with us...Mbottons red bottomis witness and proof.....good luck |
|
Spanking Discussion Area