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Paddler
New member
Username: Paddler
Post Number: 1
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, May 02, 2005 - 08:52 pm: | 
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I have had the pleasure of having several spank and lover buddies in the last year. I am curious to know if others have found similar relationships? I am married, one of my friends is also in a vanilla relationship, while the other woman is single and likes it that way! Both are selectively submissive, meaning they are controlling people in their work and only occasionally like to give up control.
I travel so it may be easier to get this started than for someone who stays near home. The interesting thing is one of my friends lives within two hours of me while the other is in Florida.
Our guideline is I will wait for them to call. It takes away the unknown of whether they want to play or not. It goes in cycles. Usually, I will hear from them every month or so, then set up a trip and meet for a few days someplace fun!
They both like long medium intense spankings. One likes to get heavier after this long warm up, with my favorite implements, the paddle and strap. The other is into anal play after the warm up. I have found that no one is the same. We all come to this from different perspectives.
I always make it fun, satisfying for both of us.
Not looking to swing, just interested in how prevalent this type of relationship is. I do find a weekend away inhibits my intimacy with my spouse. It is a healthy reaction, but I have to be careful, sometmes I catch myself being angry with her as a defense.
All comments welcome. |
Janey
New member
Username: Janey
Post Number: 8
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 06, 2005 - 06:14 pm: |
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I tried this with someone but it didn't work. However, I think it failed BECAUSE I was obviously seeking a romantic-spanking relationship and he wasn't. But he allowed me to believe that we were on the same page and just didn't date me... he only dommed me.
I think if you are HONEST with everyone involved and they are with you- that this could be an enjoyable and pleasurable experience.
I cannot believe that "breaking up" with a Dom feels just as bad as a boyfriend... only with fewer cd's and t-shirts to give back. |
Smartnnaughty
New member
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 10
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 06, 2005 - 06:38 pm: |
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Paddler, I am struggling with this too as I am getting to know a top that is married. Parts of me think spankings should be within marriage. It never was during mine so I can appreciate that he wants to go outside. (I am currently divorced after a 20 something year marriage.) I am trying to work out how spanking fits into my life. When is it okay to do it? Is it always sexual?
I would think after a weekend away that you would come back hot for your wife. Are you resenting her because she won't play with you? Just wondering.
I too welcome all comments and advice. |
Dan
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Dan
Post Number: 18
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 02:23 am: |
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I know from my blog reading and other discussion groups that this sort of thing is common and works for many people. It's not an option for me, though -- because for me there's too much of a foreplay element to spankings. I might (he said tentatively and with no particular enthusiasm) be able to imagine spanking someone other than Bethie in a party or other public context, if she were present and approving, but otherwise, nope, not for me.
Meeting another woman in a private place to give her a spanking? It would feel like cheating to me, and more to the point I imagine it would feel like cheating to Bethie, also.
From my perspective married or coupled folks who spank outside their primary relationship are indulging in a sort of polyamory. Nothing wrong with that, but the complications of poly lifestyles are too tricky for me. |
Nybrat
New member
Username: Nybrat
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 11:05 am: |
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Like you Smart I am (hopefully) soon to be divorced after twenty something years of marriage. I was married to a vanilla and though I thought about spanking constantly I dont think I could have done anything while married because I would have felt like it was cheating.
My first spanking in July of 2004 was with a married man. My experience with married men is that they say they dont cheat but if you wish to be sexually satisfied or want to engage in oral sex or whatever they will willingly oblige. I also have married Tops who are friends and when we do get together we will play.
I do think that when you spank outside a marriage you are playing with fire...but to each their own....whatever works for you is fine.
Sinny
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Beachley
New member
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 21
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 12:42 pm: |
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I think this is a very very thin line. There are always extenuating circumstances that can not be known to the outsider, when one or both of the parties are married but don't have a partner to spank.
Therefore my advise would be to proceed cautiously and use your head.
I would never be spanked by anyone other than Mr. B my hubby who was a vanilla until 1 1/2 years ago. I have to say he has taken to spanking me with enthusiasm and not only in the playful/erotic arena.
However, we have only been to one spanking conference and we are getting ready to go to another. He will play and I will play as long as it is not on the bare and not in a private setting. The people that we will be playing with we have known over the internet for a little while so they are more like friends than anything and all are going to simply have a good time.
These spanking will be fun play - non-sexual spanking with lots of teasing and bratting going on. In that concept I see nothing wrong with playing in a group with other like minded people.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Wyatt
New member
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 14
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 01:41 pm: |
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Howdy Paddler!
My wife doesn't have a problem with me spanking other women and I enjoy watching other men spank her. We have played with another couple where we used to get together once a year to give birthday spankings to the wives. The last time the wives dressed like schoolgirls and we really had a good time. It started with skirts raised for a panty warming, and concluded on the bare. But there wasn't any sex involved, just spanking play. Well, we did make them stand in the corner for awhile, and display their blushing behinds. Later, after our friends left, we did have sex and that's how it works for us.
I've never met a woman in a planned, private meeting to give her a spanking, and I'm sure I would feel guilty if I did. Although I have spanked other women without DB being present, it wasn't planned and simply just came about. And I always told her about these 'just came up' spankings and she's always been fine with it. We just both are not of the jealous nature.
And Sinny, this is one married man that would not engage in sex, oral or otherwise, outside of our marriage. It's not hard to see that IS cheating, and neither DB or I would tolerate that! I'm not passing judgement here. Just letting you know not all married men are so 'obliging'. I'm glad to hear you have friends that play, that's great!
We're all friends here, and that's cool. I agree, whatever works for you is fine.
As Peter Fonda said in 'Easy Rider'....
"You're doin' your own thing, in your own time, you should be proud!"
'Til next time,
Wyatt |
Pagan
New member
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 09:20 pm: |
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I've only ever been spanked by romantic partners.
It took my years to tell my husband about my desire to be spanked. Needlessly, as it turns out. He is a vanilla, but is willing to play. For more than a decade, I wasn't spanked at all.
I personally could not be spanked by another, because it would feel like cheating to me. To me, spanking is erotic and intimate, so it would feel like having sex with someone else.
Not everyone views it that way though.  As long as your wife is ok with it, I don't see a problem.
We are about to go to our first spanking conference. While I don't think either of us would play with someone else (particularly him - it's not his thing, so why sign up for someone else?), I'm not ruling it completely out.
The only way I'd consider it is if he was present and ok with it. Otherwise, no. |
Paddler
New member
Username: Paddler
Post Number: 2
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 13, 2005 - 11:33 pm: |
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Hi friends, I thought I would respond to several of the thoughtful questions and comments. Yes, being married to a vanilla person can be used as an "excuse' to cheat with a spankee. Between the two buddies, the single friend and I together have the most sync and the toughest time after we part. My married friend admits she does not let all of herself go, in part due to guilt. I am the same way with her, in my case if I give too much emotionally, it definitely inhibits intimacy with my wife.
It is a fine line and we go for extended periods. Then it builds up, the need for release, the need to escape to the subspace, which I think is all about being taken care of. There is always romance, I am a romantic, I love to caress and talk and listen and foreplay and kiss and cuddle with my friends. I can say we have fun, a deep intimate fun, too bad so few of us can not be our 'real" selves with our life partners. I envy those who said they have admitted their interest to their spouse after 20 years and the spouse works to please.
The single woman is younger and more experimental. She likes a long spanking, not harsh, just to the point of a nice pink bottom. Then a romantic bath, together, where I wash her most intimate areas, with special attention to her anus. Sometimes I give her a warm erotic enema during the bath, other times afterwards, on the bathroom floor, cheeks up and spread. When she is finished eliminating her enema, a quick shower and it is off to bed for more spanking, her little vibrating eggs and me!
Thanks again for the posts and the Easy Rider quote!
Paddler  |
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