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Message |
    
Smartnnaughty
New member
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 1
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 07:50 pm: | 
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Anyone interested in answering questions from newbies? I'm brand new to this lifestyle and I'm sure others are too. What do you think we should know? |
Fanny
New member
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 14
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 08:12 pm: |
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Thanks for suggesting this. I am not new to the lifestyle, but new to the forum and am not sure of protocal.
Plus I'm never too old to learn a few new tricks! |
Beachley
New member
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 08:15 pm: |
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Don't give a present to a Top/Dom/Master if in any way it could be used or thought of as a spanking implement.
Unless you want it used like that. 
But very seriously - always keep open the lines of communication. That is most important in this lifestyle talk, talk about the lifestyle and then talk somemore. 
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Fanny
New member
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 16
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 08:32 pm: |
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This makes me laugh  is there ANYthing that a top could not think of as a potential spanking implement? |
Naughtybynature
New member
Username: Naughtybynature
Post Number: 23
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 11:00 pm: |
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Make sure you have a safeword especially if you are with a vanilla trust me I know.
Commuication is a must no manner if you feel you are talking to death keep talking.
P.S. Stay away from CB paddles. 
Did is a word of achievement, Won't is a word of retreat, Might is a word of bereavement, Can't is a word of defeat, Ought is a word of duty, Try is a word of each hour, Will is a word of beauty, Can is a word of power.
*(Unknown Author)
Don't take life so seriously.....it isn't permanent
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Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 57
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 03, 2005 - 11:02 pm: |
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NO! |
Headteddy
New member
Username: Headteddy
Post Number: 26
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 12:36 am: |
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DEFINITELY NOT!!
Kitchen Stores are my favorite!!
But one tip for newbies. I would highly suggest is to start with the OTK position. It is intimate. A very good way for the top to read all non-verbal communication and monitor skin condition. This is really important--even some hand spankings can break the skin and in my mind that is when the safe word has to come out. The bottom may not know it has happened but the top needs to call a halt.
It is sexy-very sexy at times, allows the bottom to feel controlled but not constricted. The top can rub and soothe in a gg situation or deliver a hard painful barrage in a bg situation. OTK allows good support for the body and lower back and makes cheek to cheek play easy and allows the traditional big finish of a dozen or so extra hard smacks to the actual sit-spot of each cheek. And of course the classic pull up, turn and cuddle.
Enjoy.
Night Night All
HMB |
Darwins
New member
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 07:16 am: |
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SmartnNaughty .......Why don't you just ask any question that comes into your head.
If I can I'll answer them for you or someone else will. Your original question is a little too open, since, if your new, there is so much you could be told and much of it will perhaps be of no use to you at all.
It does not matter how daft you think the question might be just ask it.
Hope that helps.
Wolfie is the Queen of everything
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Wyatt
New member
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 8
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 02:05 pm: |
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Greetings Smartnnaughty!
Welcome and ask anything you like, It's a good group here. Very cool. As far as advise, I'd say get to know someone before you play. I'd say that's the big thing. I don't think most subbies would allow a spanking if they didn't trust the other person.
And someone may disagree here, but I don't think the use of an implement is wise the first couple times. The person doing the spanking won't know your limits, and there is a very good chance you'ld have a bad experience at the very least! It's better to take it somewhat slow, and build trust in your partner. Then move on to implements and other things. That's just MY opinion, but I'm sticking to it! Feedback Anyone?
Getting back to the lighter side, welcome and here's wishing you many fine spankings.
'Til next time
Wyatt |
Headteddy
New member
Username: Headteddy
Post Number: 34
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 02:40 pm: |
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I agree with Wyatt 100%. We played for almost a year without implements. Take it slow and build trust. Most of all have fun-laugh, bond, and always end spanking play with a kiss and hug.
You will find over time you will develop a personna as a subbie-hellcat,brat,jap, wise a**, etc. It is you but played up for your and your partner's enjoyment. Tops will also develop a personna-I go for some combination of John Wayne and Desi Arnez with a small dose of Jed Clampett and Rodney Dangerfield.
Enjoy:
HMB |
Smartnnaughty
New member
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 3
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 07:48 pm: |
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Thanks for the general advise. I guess I should be more specific. Being newly divorced and just now researching this online, I wonder how people got started in this lifestyle. I know I've wanted to be spanked since I was a kid. How did you get started before finding your other? It can be a delicate subject.
I've found a local spanking club that I want to check out. Shadow Lane sounds like the big event. Online blogs and forums like this one have given me information. Is there anything I'm missing to learn more about this?
Sometimes I feel guilty for liking to be spanked. How do I get past that and accept that this is who I am? How do I integrate it into my life?
How do disciplinary spankings work when I probably will be turned on? Is it right to let a married top spank me if no sex is involved?
I get so confused with all this stuff. I will appreciate any advice you can send my way. |
Softbreeze
New member
Username: Softbreeze
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 01:42 am: |
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I am also new to the lifestyle and I have a few questions, too...
What is the best way of approaching a former lover/play partner of a Dom I am interested in meeting? I have read comments the girls/women left on his profile on a website but I still want to contact the girls/women personally though, like send them an email, but I am not sure how to approach them. I don't want to overwhelm them with my questions. Heck I don't even know what would be good questions to ask them anyway?
So yea..I think I need a little help with this
Thank you everyone |
Darwins
New member
Username: Darwins
Post Number: 12
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 03:45 am: |
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Softbreeze, I'm not sure how it works in the US but in the UK, contacting other or former play partners (assuming there is no animosity between Dom and sub)is very acceptable.
If I were meeting someone new I would give her contact details of people I had played with and invite her to talk to them.
If my reputation is as good as I hope it is then they will have nothing but nice things to say about me .
The main questions to ask are: Is he safe, is he sane (well mostly) does he respect limits and can he be trusted to take care.
Outside of those fundemental questions, it comes down to a matter of personality and technique, and do they suit what you want.
Rather than approach them quietly, ask the Dom to give you some people to talk to that know him and have played with him. If he is safety concious and experienced, he should not be either surprised or anoyed by the request. As I say it is common practice in the UK.
Wolfie is the Queen of everything
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Softbreeze
New member
Username: Softbreeze
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 05:35 am: |
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Thank you for the answer..
The Dom suggested that I'd have a look at his profile and check out what the girls where saying about him. It was his idea really..so he seems to know how to approach these kinds of situations and he was helpful about the whole thing really....
And the comments were very postive..so that was good to know...maybe I should have explained that a bit more clearly in my previous post...hmm...
So I guess everything seems to be fine then...maybe I should also add that I've already met with him once in a public place and he didn't try and push any boundries...This might sound strange but I did actually feel safe with him. But then again some people do know how to use words and gestures very well...or maybe I'm just too inexperinced and easily impressed by these kinda things...
Or maybe I just need to let go and indulge in the experience with the necessary precautions, i.e. safe call and telling a friend of mine his name and address.
This just seemed like some kind of monologue...lol
anyways...do I sound insane or sane that I'm thinking along these lines?... |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 70
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 08:50 am: |
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You sound very sane Softbreeze, it is always better to be safe than sorry.
A good Dom will understand your nervousness and fears, and attempt to calm them by giving you as much information as you need. And as much time as you need as well. If he is good, then he's probably been playing pretty regularly and shouldnt feel the need to pressure you into doing something your not ready for yet.
Dont worry about going slowly. Be sure to set up a safety call and give his address and name to a close friend. Make sure you understand the traffic lights system and definitely have a safeword! If he tries to tell you its not neccesary, then leave. If your not comfortable with him taking your panties down, then wear a thong. And aftercare...such as hugs, talking, rubbing lotion on a sore bottom are as much a part of a spanking as the actual swats. He should care as much about your frame of mind as he does the state of your rear, probably more.
You'll know when your ready...and hopefully you'll have a first time thats a joy to remember.  |
Julia
New member
Username: Julia
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 10:02 am: |
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Since he invited you to check out his profile, I would say that you are perfectly entitled to contact his former play partners. |
Wyatt
New member
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 9
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 12:16 pm: |
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Hi Smartnnaughty!
I think everyone feels a little guilt at some point early on. I realized I liked spanking when I was very young and witnessed other kids and especially girls get spanked by their parents. I also thrilled to the TV and movie spankings of years ago. McLintock, Sally Field as Gidget, and even a Mchales Navy episode comes to mind. My first experience was spanking the neighbor girl as we played outside. But that only happened once, as I didn't want to push my luck! I spanked all my girlfriends through the years although most, I believe, allowed it because they just wanted to please me. Not because they had sub tendencies. My first serious girlfriend really did like getting spanked, and even wrote about it, at LENGTH, in my high school yearbook! She sure got a spanking for THAT! Somewhere, I then discovered a 'Stand Corrected' magazine from Shadow Lane. I then realised how many others shared my interest in spanking. And after Al Gore invented the internet, ( Sorry, couldn't resist that one!, snicker..) well... here we are!
Believe it or not, My wife and I met on a blind date! Some mutual friends knew we both enjoyed Harleys and set us up. At the time, I had a vacation planned to attend a Shadow Lane party. At the end of our first date I told Deb I would call her when I got back. She told me later she was afraid it was an excuse not to call her again, and that I'd never call her back. But I did call her again and when we got married, I included a Shadow Lane party as part of our honeymoon. SL parties are a good way to meet people and to come to terms with your feelings. When you meet other real live people who are also into spanking the 'weird' feelings just melt away!. And it's a great way to play with others in a relatively safe atmosphere.
I'll let the subbies field the discipline spanking question. I'd say that's their turf. As far as married tops go, the wife has always allowed me to spank other women and I enjoy watching other men spank her. But we remain faithful and reserve sex only with each other and that seems to work for us. Otherwise, I would say probably each couple are different and some subbies would perhaps not like their mate spanking others. Feedback from you subs?
May I ask the name of the 'local club' you've discovered? I know of Crimson Moon which is headquartered in Chicago, but we have not yet attended one of their functions. It seems motorcycle events take up all our free time and I have been telling Deb we need to attend one of their mixers.
One last thought, I have a sticker on the front of my Harley that says "Have you had your spanking today?". It sure does raise eyebrows from the 'straights'! But it has also brought me the opportunity to spank a few bottoms at motorcycle rallys. Really. And the biker crowd always seems to enjoy the show. Now, How cool is THAT, Spankos!
Well, that's enough for now, I hope this has been helpful in some small way. I'm sure you'll settle in, it just takes a little time.
And don't worry, you're just fine. You just happen to like spanking. And that's what makes you special.
'Til next time
Wyatt |
Fanny
New member
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 28
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 01:00 pm: |
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Speaking as a long term sub, I would get very uncomfortable if my husband spanked another woman. It is such an intimate thing between us, that I would feel betrayed. I would also be uneasy about another man spanking me. I guess we have just been exclusive so long, it would be difficult for me. But that is just one opinion. |
Headteddy
New member
Username: Headteddy
Post Number: 42
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 02:54 pm: |
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Wyatt:
Sounds like we had many of the same imprinting stimuli. I also met my wife on a blind date. She is very much a Maureen O'Hara McClintock sub-a hellcat with a sharp tongue who will run, fight halfheartedly getting turned over, pull hair, brat while over knee until the sting sets in then she melts. For her a spanking is proof of committment and a place she only allows me to go. It is also one of the strongest erotic stimuli there is for us (with the possible exception of a day at Nordstroms) so spanking any other woman is out. For those reasons I agree with Fanny. My spanking another woemn would feel like a violation of trust but I know a number of couples for whom it is fine. TD has expressed interest in topping other women but wants to go to a party first. My political life probably precludes that in three or four states but if there are any clubs in Wyoming or Idaho maybe we could drop in.
Smartnnaughty
I agree with Wyatt re disciplinary spankings and being turned on. It is definitely subbie turf. The only thing I will say is that it seems the forgiveness, bonding and aftercare post a bg session increases the turn on and allows a very high level of physical intimacy.
Enjoy
Teddy |
Wyatt
New member
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 04:46 pm: |
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Thanks Headteddy!
I appreciate the votes of confidence. It seems that we are like-minded on the issues. How lucky we are to both having met our other halves on blind dates! I can't imagine what the odds of that happening might be.
'Til next time,
Wyatt |
Smartnnaughty
New member
Username: Smartnnaughty
Post Number: 6
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 06:26 pm: |
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Wyatt, Teddy and Fanny,
Thanks for all the really great info. Like I said I do have lots of questions. I think I'm starting to make sense of all this. Reading in this forum is a big help to me.
Wyatt, The local club is Crimson Moon. I'm going to check them out at their party in July. Will you and your wife be there? (It would make me feel more comfortable. No pressure, here though )You are right about hearing from others that have similar interests that makes this feel like I'm not such an oddball. Hopefully some subs will explain the other stuff for me. You have been VERY helpful. Thank you.
Fanny, I appreciate your input. It seems like that is the way it should be--to be exclusive. But then why are there spanking parties? Ahh, I have much to learn. Thanks for your 2 cents.
Teddy, That is what I'm thinking too. Discipline can be sexual. At least that is where my fantasies take me. Just the emotional release would make me feel closer to the disciplinarian. So much to think about. Thanks, Teddy. |
Softbreeze
New member
Username: Softbreeze
Post Number: 11
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 06, 2005 - 03:30 am: |
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Wolfie thank you, yep...I've figured out the traffic lights ;)..I can't believe I forgot to mention that...I would never play with someone without a safeword...
A good thing is that he is not trying to push me either,,,he makes fun and stuff but it's not meant seriously..so yea...
Damn I should really go for it...lol |
Kendra
New member
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 44
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 06, 2005 - 09:06 pm: |
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What is the traffic light system? I know the safeword and everything, but I have never heard of the traffic light system. |
Janey
New member
Username: Janey
Post Number: 10
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 01:28 am: |
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Kendra,
Red- STOP I hate what you're doing.
Yellow- slow down, you're pushing me a bit more than I can handle, but I'm still OK.
Green - BRING IT.
;) |
Wyatt
New member
Username: Wyatt
Post Number: 13
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 07, 2005 - 11:51 am: |
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Hi Smartnnaughty!
I spoke with the wife and Crimson Moon in July is a possible. We will just have to see how things unfold at the shop for awhile. I will try not to leave you hanging, because we will all have to make reservations, arrangements, and such. But we've been wanting to go to one of their parties for some time now, so unless something happens, we will probably attend.
And I'm happy to hear you're feeling a bit more comfortable about spanking. Now if a spanking came along to make you a little uncomfortable at the other end, I'd bet you would be feeling JUST FINE!
'Til next time,
Wyatt |
Kendra
New member
Username: Kendra
Post Number: 46
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, May 08, 2005 - 12:15 pm: |
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Thank you Janey.. Sorry it took me so long to reply. I started my new job friday night, and I haven't been online that much. |
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