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Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 22
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 08:00 pm: | 
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I am really confused about some things so I thought I would come here and see if I could get some help on the matter. Just to give everyone a little background I am in a D/s relationship with a wonderful man but there are some problems and I am having issues expressing myself to him. I was in a very abusive D/s relationship with my husband and during that time I was talking to "B" (that is what I will call him) online for six years...I was ultimatley not happy and at the time was searching for answers and I finally confided in "B" about what I was going through and he made me see what was happening was abuse and he helped me to get help ect. I am currently now getting my life straight, and I am in therapy and doing well.
"B" and I finally met this past March 2005 after talking to each other online for six years ...and that first meeting was great...it was like we knew each other for years. We are now involved in a long distant relationship where he comes to visit every four months or so ...we talk online everyday and on the phone at least two to three times a week....there are certain circumstances that have us apart for the time being but that will be resolved soon. Our communication to one another really is not good ...which I know is a problem and so does he. Then there are the issues of my weight that really bothers me ...I am in the process of losing the weight but because of past abusive circumstances I really have a hard time with it and in my mind I think he has a problem with it as well even though he tells me no way. So I have reverted back to weight loss pills that he absolutley hates ...so we have issues there. My mistake was asking him if he was physically attracted to me and his answer was a simple No...and that hurt because I took that as rejection...he tried explaining to me that he is attracted to my personality...my spirit...my youth ect, and that physical looks are not as important to him as the other stuff. There is a major age difference between us ..I am 32 and he is 58 ...so 26 years and sometimes I wonder if that isn't the problem on some of the issues we have as far as intimacy, erotic spankings ect. Discipline spankings with him are ok ...but not the greatest or I guess I should say not what I am used too. I feel because he knows about what type of abuse I have endured in the past that this affects him and he is easy on me due to that. As I have said I was in a very abusive D/s relationship before which has left some permanent scars and this bothers "B" which I understand but it's affecting D/s and the spankings with us and it's really frustrating me to the point where I cry and get upset with him. And it's not just the discipline spankings.
My birthday was on November 18th ...he came to visit me on Nov.20th ...do you think I got a birthday spanking of any sort? Nope ..nothing. And I am not the type to confront him on it either...it bothers me but I have a hard time with confrotation so instead I just stew and get angrier as I think about it. So in my analyzation of it all it bothers him to give me discipline spankings and now he won't even initiate an erotic spanking...of course I bring all of this back to it's my weight but he says no way. I am confused and I don't know what to think. Help! Any advice, suggestions or commnts are welcome. Thanks. |
Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 7
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 - 08:45 pm: |
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Just so you know ... MOST bottoms are bigger bottomed ... the men like to see it jiggle when we wiggle and squirm under those MEAN hands and impliments ,,,, You admitted .. its YOUR hang up ...trust me for some men SIZE ....is a HUGE NON ISSUE (most complain the skinny ones hurt there hands to spank).... you never know maybe his Mom or sister is big and size is NOT noticed by him..
So if you DO not confront him you are holding back ...then taking out .. YOUR THOUGHTS(and ideas) on him. If the man tells you its NOT an issue ...TRUST HIM enough to believe it .. he is NOT your hubby .. he is NOT going to turn into him ..BUT he will NOT know what you want ..hehe you want MORE disapline ..ask him mid way ..*Hey your going to START the disapline after this warm up right* you lighten the mood... he relises he can go harder .......and you better stock up on ice after
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Make_me
New member
Username: Make_me
Post Number: 33
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 01, 2005 - 03:15 am: |
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Hiya Hun,
It seems to me you are suffering from low self esteem. You are blaming everything on your weight and all the problems you are having you are putting down to that. We are ALL different shapes and sizes, and the world would be a very boring place if we were all the same!!
Six years is a long time, its obvious he cares for you because he's still there for you.
Your age difference isnt a problem unless you make it one, so i wouldnt worry about that.
Just be yourself but you NEED to talk to him,men just need a little "nudge" sometimes when it comes to understanding us lol but he wont know if you dont tell him!
Dont be frightened of losing him because you open up to him either, you are probaly alot stronger than you think and Hun you really can survive with out a man.
I think the whole Dom/sub thing only works if there is complete trust and LOTS and LOTS of reasurance!!!
Thats the problem with us girls though lol as soon as there is a problem we head for the fridge hehe so just remember to stay clear of it lol
Just talk to him babe, write him an email and totally open up and let him know exactly how you feel, i think your scared of his rejection, but if hes still there after 6 years then your not doing to bad lol
x x x
I hope this helps :o) |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 211
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 01, 2005 - 09:24 am: |
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Michelle, I know that you care for this man (I recall you speaking of him before), but I'm wondering if part of your feelings aren't coming from his sort being your knight in shining armour, versus just being the man that he is now. It does sound like he sort of rescued you, or at least was there when you needed him.
Meaning no offense, but a man 26 yrs older than you probably has more issues than you have to deal with yourself, and his lack of "attention" to you, may be from his own issues, and have absolutely nothing to do with you at all.
My best advice would be not to internalize "his" actions. Don't let his insecurities fuel your own.
I'm not an expert, but I'm thinking that jumping into one relationship, after a bad one, can be a sticky in itself. Sounds like "any" relationship would have been better than what you had, and perhaps you're expecting more from him than he's able to give too.
Going along with the possibility of low self esteem being put upon you now, due to circumstances, life, etc.....I also feel it's better to care for yourself, before you can begin to care and love someone else.
To forget, or to forgo a "Birthday Spanking" is not a typical spanko reaction EVER. Is he really a spanko? And if he's neglecting your desires for spanking...what other things has he forgotten of, that he thought were not important?
I know you don't want to hear this...and I'm sure I'll get some reactions to this as well...but the 26 yrs difference in age, IMO, is a big part of the problem too. I don't know a single man that is close to 60 that wouldn't jump at the chance to enjoy a 32 yr old woman.
Sounds like he's already taking you for granted, and you're not even together yet. If he can't give you the simplest of care and emotional support now, how can you expect more later?
And reality bites, but if he's been more than happy with you in the past, the weight isn't really an issue. Have you thought...and I'm sure you have...that he has someone else that satisfies that part of him?
Sorry to be so blunt, but you asked, and I'm not a sugar coater, unless I'm baking.
I hope all goes well for you, and that your thoughts about this situation don't overwhelm you. Whatever decision you make for yourself....should just be FOR yourself.
Hugs,
K |
Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 23
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, December 03, 2005 - 09:53 pm: |
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Blistering blonde...thanks for your encouragment and advice.Yes your right my weight is my hang up and not his, although he finally admitted that to give me an erotic spanking would bother him with my weight, as to the reason why? Well we haven't gotten that far yet but the important part is we are communicating so that is a start.
Make_me....thanks for your encouragment as well. I am suffering from low self-esteem and I have been working on that issue in therapy for quite some time now so I am well aware of that and I am getting better with it but I have my good days as well as my bad ones.
Ftopinmichigan...Yes I think you are right..I do look at him as sort of my knight in shining armour....he has been there for me through thick and thin and he did essentially rescue me from a very bad situation...he helped me to open up my eyes and see what was going on as abuse. Him and I orginally started out as "online friends" and at the time that is all I was looking for or so I thought. Soon I got very emotionally attached to him and then that grew to me really caring about and loving this man. I have to say that the age difference never bothered me as much as it did him but I have to wonder if it's not some of the reason for our issues. As far as him being a real Dom or spanko? He seems to be to me ...he has given me three disciplinary spankings so far although two of them were not adequate and I was really upset over that but it's because of the "scars" I have from past abuse with my husband or at least that is what his excuse is to me when I ask him about it. But yes I was pretty upset when he didn't surprise me wirh a birthday spanking and I found it to be quite odd. And yes I have thought about his needs being met by others and I do know that he plays with others so that is a real possibility but I have yet to confront him on that issue. Thanks for your advice and I will take alot of it to heart.
Thannks to you all...I really am glad I have a place to come to when I need advice or need a place just to vent. |
Katie_spades
New member
Username: Katie_spades
Post Number: 8
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, December 08, 2005 - 03:13 am: |
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Seriously hun, don't take it out on yourself because he could have issues that you aren't even aware of. I know, easier said than donw but try and smile because you cannot keep blaming yourself, which is what you are doing and probably have done for awhile, and it needs to stop. You need to smile, and be happy you are who you are... and then go get yourself that spanking! LOL...
So naughty
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Tmichellebrat
New member
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 29
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, December 09, 2005 - 12:41 pm: |
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Katie_spades ...thanks for your advice. Yes you are right I have been blaming myself for quite some time now and it has made me miserable  ...but I have come to the conclusion that I have to be happy for ME and not for anyone else and that is what I am currently working on. And I take this as a challenge and I will get me that spanking if it's the last thing I do LOL...hmmm I wonder if I will regret that one LOL... |
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