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Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 122
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 08:11 pm: | 
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I need some advice on "bratting"...how much is to much? I never really bratted with my ex to much because he just didn't stand for it in our D/s relationship and there was enough spanking play to where I didn't need to "brat" just to get spanked per say. But this new relationship I am in with "B" is really driving me nuts. First off we are over 1100 miles apart in distance so we only see each other every three to four months ...but until he can move to where I am we have dealt with it for a year now. His last visit (in Feb.) was such a disappointment to me ...he spanked me one time in a six day visit  . Now this is a man who loves spanking and enjoys it very much but yet every visit we have had he has only spanked me one time which were all bg spankings. Am I over analyzing this or is there a problem? I have linked this to my weight problem and him answering an honest question of whether he was physically attracted to me ...his answer was no ...and talk about the truth hurting...that hurt and still does  So now I am taking him not wanting to spank me as rejection...I have questioned him on this and he says I am wrong but yet he can't explain why so little spanking play when we do see each other. Because of this problem this has lead me into excessive "bratting" ...which I don't like myself for doing because I just feel that I am pushing him to the edge of his limits which isn't good. So I am breaking rules left and right ...and it is making him angry and frustrated to where he just says whatever which in turn makes me upset because then I feel he doesn't care ...it's just this long cycle of misery ...I am at a loss on what to do and the only thing I have been doing for the past three days is crying myself to sleep every night over it. Any advice would be helpful! Thanks! |
Eod
New member
Username: Eod
Post Number: 18
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 09:32 pm: |
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Bratting is a total turn-off. Doesn't it just totally inhibit normal relation-building activity by imposing artificial barriers? Be prepared to give up on the spanking altogether or on the relatioship altogether. From what you've said your distance is more than physical miles imo. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 694
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:39 pm: |
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Tmichelle, bratting is not the answer to your problems, trust me. In fact, you seem to be discovering that it will only add to them. You acting out isn't going to get you what you want. I'm afraid the only thing to do is have a frank discussion with "B" and be prepared for the answers.
My biggest fear is that he may have already admitted the truth but neither of you wanted to deal with it. He's not physically attracted to you? He said that??? No wonder you're hurt, but why are you still in the relationship is my question. Something's wrong or you wouldn't be crying yourself to sleep.
Are you sure you both want the same kind of spanking relationship? If he's only giving you bg spankings and you want more, you may have different spanking desires. You really need to talk to him.
One last thing, sweetie, you deserve the best, hang onto that, okay?  |
Kennysspankee
Junior Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 164
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 06, 2006 - 11:45 pm: |
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He was honest enough to tell you the truth, so he must be attracted to you, your personality, maybe (?) or he probably would break it off between you. Did you have a weight problem when you met? If not, have you thought about getting attractive for him? If you think he's not worth it because he doesn't accept you for what you are, that's your perogative. We're willing to do so much for our partners, but that one thing (really committing to losing weight) is a hard one to do. You have to sort it out in your head how you feel about it all. You could probably admit that there are certain things required by you in the look of a man. Me, I'm not fussy on skinny men, prefer a little meat on their bones. I couldn't be attracted sexually to that type of man. He has his preferences too, hard as that is to take. Hope this doesn't sound shallow, it's just the way people are, whether they'll admit it or not. |
Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 307
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 05:54 am: |
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Bethie is so right you need to talk to each other and really listen to what is being said not what you want to hear. If a man wass to say that he wasn't physicially attractied to me I think I woukd running out the door at the speed of light only you can make the choice if he still is important to you or not. Weight is an issue in many relationships and that has to worked out between the couple. I am concern that your weight is an issue regarding spanking but no an issue regarding have sex with you or did I take a big leap here that you 2 aare having a sex life.
My advice is sit down make a list of things you like about yourself and the things you want to change including your weight if that's what you want. Once the list is made do one thing a day to get whatever change started do it for 30 days you will be surprised at how easier it is if you make changes slowly and how easier it will be to contuine. The weight problem has to be done for yourself don't do it for someone else do it for do it because it makes you feel better about yourself not becasue he wants it do it because you will be healthier.
Never having a weight problem I don't really understand the struggle but being very skinnny I have a proble with keeping weight on and that struggle I do understand. I have tried or years to make Bill happy. he woukd be happy if I was a normal weight not 15 pounds underweight but finally I realized I just can't do it. I ahve been thin my whole life and now at the ge o 51 I don't think it will change now I just strive for being as healthy as I can I suggest you do the same.
Please remember that any relationship is uppose to make you feel better about yourself and you deserve and require only the best. Know that you have friends here that value your input and what you to be very happy
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 506
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 01:01 pm: |
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IMO, "any" amount of bratting is too much.
Michelle, as I see it, if your relationship is already on shaky ground, "bratting" has the possibility of only hurting what you already have together, especially when being a "brat" wasn't negotiated or agreed upon prior to this time.
Might it be your excuse to treat him poorly for the way he's been treating you? Are you becoming the brat force to be reckoned with, because of his "lack" of attention to you? Is it the means to an end...i.e., a way to GET spanked, even though he may not "want" to do that? Or is it simply "fun," and a way to "play," so that you're actually working to "force his hand!" (pun sort of intended)
Really...are you putting on the "brat" to have some fun, to entice, or is it the silent way to push him further...to give him an excuse to leave, or walk away, without "you" making a conscious choice. A way to "let him go" without telling him, or hurting him, by telling him that he's hurting you...by his non action, non response, and inability to care for you in the way you expect a relationship of love to develop?
Is the bratting a silent protest for your hurt feelings? I don't see any motive being "bratting" to be productive or positive, unless it's for entertainment purposes only.
It does seem to me that you already know about your relationship, as this isn't the first time you've posted the issue, and with each visit from him, it doesn't change, but only seems make you feel worse.
Caring for someone won't just make a situation all correct, or what "you" want it to be. It takes work from BOTH people...not just you.
You have to communicate your uneasiness, your fears, and work together to make it better...IF, you "both" want it. Doesn't seem like he's talking much. Are you two right for each other, for the type of relationship you desire now in your life?
I'm judging, based only on the times you've posted on this relationship, but it doesn't appear to be giving you want you need. Maybe it's time to change the dynamic of your relationship with this man, and find one that can be open and giving to your needs too.
Is he going to be the man in your life, or only a part time visitor/friend? How can he be there for you, when he visits so little, and can't be there...well, when he's there?
Sorry, if this isn't the response you're seeking, but whenever I hear someone talk about a relationship, that continues in the same pattern, over time, the changes aren't going to happen, no matter how much you talk about it.
I'm afraid that I see the glass mostly empty on this situation.
I hope things work out for you, the way that makes you most happy.
K
PS Oh...and, on the subject of him responding that he's not physically attracted to you, when you directly asked....I applaud both of you here. You for asking, and him for his honesty. As I see it, his response is HIS issue, not for you to dwell on. If he's not attracted to you, and not responding to you physically...then you're not a match in that area. If that's an important part of your relationship concept (as it is for most of us), then find someone that will treasure you, adore you, and love you, for who you are, and not allow their affections to be held to a "look" or concept of what someone "should" be. He should either accept you, and love you for who you are, or not lead you on, to think he cares. You deserve better. |
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 123
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 07:36 pm: |
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I want to thank all of you for your honest opinions on this whole situation.
Bethie- I asked him the question if he was physically attracted to me and his answer was a simple no...yes it did hurt and still does but I love this man dearly and that is the reason why I am still in the relationship. I was raised with the notion that woman need to be thin in order to be sexually and physically attractive...so after I gained weight I really had a hard time accepting me. His view is looks don't matter to him as far as weight goes and that he fell in love with my personality ...spirit. I am working through it as best as I can because I know it's my problem and has been since I have gained the extra weight. As far as the spanking relationship goes ...we have both talked about that and we are both on the same page with that ...so far at least. thanks for your advice ...I will definantly be evaluating things more with this.
Kennysspankee- "B" and I met online ..we talked for six years before we actually met in person ...there were several circumstances and reasons to why it took us so long to meet in person. I was thin during the time we talked ...the first four years at least ...at the time we were just friends and I was in a miserable marriage...very abusive...after I gave birth to my son I gained weight real quick ...I was depressed and lots was going on in my life to where my weight just got out of control. So when we met for the first time I had already gained the weight. I am in the process of starting to lose the weight ...and I have been sucssesful to far ...but "B" keeps telling me to do it for myself and not for him ...so I am focusing on losing for me and for my health as well.
Redhinney- thanks for your advice on the list ...I will definantly do that and work on it...great idea! As far as a sex life ...no we don't have one yet ...he is the type of man who likes to take things "slow" ...we have only had five visits in a year's time and he doesn't want me taking things in the wrong way since I was in such an abusive relationship before him, and he was well aware of all that, I sometimes feel he is extra careful with me because he knows all of what I went through ...so he is being the gentleman when it comes to to the sex and erotic spankings. So right now it comes down to me feeling "uncomfortable" with him during a spanking because I know he isn't physically attracted to me...so it makes me feel self-concious.
Ftop- you really opened my eyes up with what you said ...I never really thought about why the bratting ...but I feel it is because I am just hurt by the truth although I am glad he told me the truth and didn't lie to me because that would have made things worse...and in his view...the truth is always best even if it does hurt! As far as pushing him away with my bratting ...he has told me this and he feels that is what I am trying to do but I don't want to push him away because I love him and I care about him alot. But what you said makes alot of sense and it's worth thinking about ....in fact I am going to have him come on here and read all of this...maybe he can see that there is a problem from others point of views.
Thanks for all your opinions and advice ...I sure appreciate it. Your all great and I love it here! |
Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 24
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 07, 2006 - 11:02 pm: |
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IMO
Tmichelle, You are NOT bratting ...you ARE reacting , you were rejected by him ...or so you feel when he ONLY spanked you the one time ...
Ok i got to ask this (I NEVER SUGAR COAT)WHY?
Why are YOU in this relationship? You say he is NOT attracted to you ... WHY waste your time with a man who does NOT love you for YOU and makes NO room for building you up but rather fills you with self debt and hurt .. HE HURT YOU ... he really did with his comment ..and in your mind you know it but a part of you thinks you deserve this ...
and i know what gaining weight real quick is all about .. my poor hubby went from having a wife who had the trim ..body of a dancer to this ...doughboy look ..i gained 70 lbs AFTER the pregancys ..and you know what ..in his eyes I AM BEATUFIL ....( he got MAD and SPANKED me when i lost weight for him ....i can if its for me (as in for MY wishes or health)..BUT NEVER am i allowed if its to *make my self more attractive for him *)
Get a man who loves you .....does NOT fault you for being you .. a TRUE man DOES not judge by weight ..as a woman's true value comes from the soul NOT the flesh.
IF he ONLY feels that you are worth his time if you lose the weight .....is he REALLY worth the EXTRA weight he puts on your HEART due to the stress (which leads to eating ...which leads to weight gain )
IF he WANTED you to lose the weight ...he would build up your ego , make you feel beautiful from the inside ....which in turn reflects on the out side ....makes you happy , you stress less you eat less you lose weight *S*
Sorry for the harshnes .....but a REAL man WOULD love ALL of you.
you can email me if you wanna talk.... |
Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 159
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 05:41 am: |
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Hey girl....we talked about this situation in another thread, but you know what? I can't give you any better advice then the people on THIS thread did! It's all well and good for him to say, "It's your personality I love, your spirit"...but when it comes down to the bare (no pun intended) hard facts, ALL of us want to be physically attracted to our partner (besides the emotional and spiritual end). You have invested a LOT of years in this relationship - only to have it be so "unbalanced". It's seems to me you are putting much more into this relationship then he is. Red is right --- a relationship is supposed to make you feel good -- not hurt, rejected or lonely. Bratting is NOT the answer here, hon - it's time to change the dynamics - we are here for you - 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Beachley
Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 313
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 03:10 pm: |
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Michelle - I agree with everything Pink said. Bratting is not the issue here in fact it is probably the least of your issues.
But if a man EVER said what he did to you, I'd dump him fast. You are who you are. You could be purple, if he does not like purple then too bad, it's his loss. If you want to change anything about yourself do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Because if changing yourself is a requirement for the relationship to work then you really don't have any relationship to begin with.
Sorry, you deserve much more than this man has to offer.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 698
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 04:16 pm: |
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You say you love him. How can you love a man who hurt you and made you feel bad about yourself?
Sorry hon but that just does not make sense.
Take a good long look at the situation. Ask yourself if it is worth all the heartache.
There are lots of men out there who would love you for who you are and spank you and wouldn't care what you looked like because it is YOU they love and not a fashion model.
Some guys want a slim young woman...dream on. A guy at a certian age thinking he's gona get that? Thinking they are gona give him a second look? What a laugh.
What I have found in my years since I really started living the spanking scene is this...
Most of the guys are interested in an adult relationship and the spanking is a plus
Almost all of the ones I have chatted with in my age group really don't care if she is overweight. They like the idea of a nice plump bottom to spank. One even told me he was turned off by seeing ribs sticking out and enjoyed seeing a nice round bottom over his knee.
I found that once I got over my phobia of my weight, I saw that it was ME he loved. He says it's not important to lose weight to make him want me. It was important for me to lose weight for my health. Big difference.
You were in an abusive relationship before him. He wants to take things slow. He's using that as lame excuses. I was in an abusive marriage for 30 years and the first time I met Bob face to face, we had sex before spankings. The first night. If he wanted you, he would have wanted to take you to bed long ago. And you shouldn't have to brat or ask to get the attention you need.
I am going to tell you point blank that this relationship is not right for you.
Stop punishing yourself. You have nothing to feel guilty for. You are who you are. Your past is what makes you strong now. Your needs now are strong and he is not giving your needs the attention you must have. It's time to move on and get with a guy that understands this and believe me sweetie, they are out there.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 25
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 08, 2006 - 04:48 pm: |
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I REALLY hope you take our advice ...GET ONE who LOVES you for YOU .....he is only PLAYING you along |
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 125
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:48 pm: |
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Hi everyone ...
sorry it took me so long to come back here and respond ..I just have been really down lately and feeling real sad . I hear what you are all saying ...and I question myself to why I am staying in this relationship and my answer is because I love this man ...and I feel that we can work through all of this or I at least hope! "B" is the sweetest guy I have ever been with ...he is a sweetheart compared to my ex ...although I know I made him sound like he is the jerk of the world ...(and that is how I was feeling the first day I made the post) he also has his good traits too. I am glad that he can at least be honest with me although this one threw me for a loop ...it just makes me feel so bad about myself and I know it's his problem and not mine ...but I feel like it's my problem if that makes any sense. I thankyou all for your comments and advice and I have to make a decision I know that ...I appreciate everyone's help in this...I am hanging in there! |
Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 713
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, March 10, 2006 - 04:58 pm: |
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You do what you think is best for yourself. Just know that we are all here for you if you need us.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 508
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, March 11, 2006 - 03:53 am: |
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Caution  : Very blunt and straightforward response below.
If someone is not attracted to another person, they are just not attracted to them. Is that the most important thing in a relationship...no, but it's important, nonetheless. How will that change in time? If you're going to try to change physically for someone, it's not going to last. Changes happen when you do them for yourself...not for anyone else. And, can you really change the things that don't attract you to him? Is it only the one thing, or is it more? You assume it's the weight alone...might it be more than that?
I was with a man that in no way was physically attractive to me. We actually initially got together, by meeting at a munch, and were friends almost immediately, which was prompted by our close proximity (blocks away). I didn't care for anything about his looks, but he's a sweetheart. I gave the idea of a relationship a try, and while there were much more things than just his physical looks that didn't match with us, I know it was one of the major driving forces for me not to connect. I was never going to be physically attracted to him....never.
Regarding staying in a relationship that's just not working, I have heard from many folks that stay in a relationship, not because the relationship is good or well grounded, but because of their fear they won't find someone else. I've heard this so often, within the BDSM community, how people are so afraid of not finding a compatible partner, if they gave up their current one. How hard it was to find them, and how hard it'll be to find another....so they stick together with someone that, while they care for them, they do not match in the ways that count, or make them happy.
Based on what you've posted, Michelle, you're not doing yourself, or him justice by staying together. You will remain unhappy and longing for what you deserve, forever, if you remain in a relationship that is unfulfilling. You will always wonder about happiness, and what "could" be, with someone that cares for you. While his words may imply his care and concern, his actions are not only pushing you away, but they are playing havoc with your self esteem. When ever I hear such stories, I can't help but think the pull to the self esteem is actually a motive in the relationship. It tends to breed a stronger dependence.
IMO, if you want happiness, don't wait for it to happen where it's not going to happen. You've been together long enough to know that things aren't right between you two. You'll just keep waiting, and wanting, as I see it.
That's just not a good way to be happy. We all deserve to be happy.
K |
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 127
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Sunday, March 19, 2006 - 11:57 pm: |
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I just wanted to thank everyone here for thier support when I was going through alot of emotions on this subject. I just wanted to update you all and let you know that "B" and I are trying to work out our differences and work on our relationship. I truly love this man or I wouldn't even be wasting my time with him and I have to give it a shot and give him a chance before I just say forget it and give up. Alot of things ride on my past and to how I feel ...and I am in therapy which is helping alot. I wanted to say thanks for all the great support here....you all have been so very helpful with your advice, comments and support. |
Carly
New member
Username: Carly
Post Number: 47
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 06:58 am: |
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Well Good for you for knowing what you want, and doing what it takes to make it work!!! I hope all goes well with you!!! Good Luck! |
Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 338
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 01:05 pm: |
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Everyone Michelle made the decission to stay in the relationship as people who share in her pain and her pleasure we need to be supportive of her decsion even it is one we would not make for ourseleves.
Several years ago I had a very good friend who everyone told her that the man she was living we was just using her. He didn't work used her money for drugs and just lived off of her. I even had the nerve to say how wonderful that she had a pimp she worked two jobs to support he house and he said home to watch TV. He just took money out of her bank (he had an ATM card) and ran up cell phone bills so high that it took her 6 months to pay it off. We all had helped her in the past and we all told her to get out she wasn't ready she loved him and thought that if he just had a little more time he would see what was happening. Finally she got fed up and kick his sorry ass butt out the door. But during this time frendiships were strain and some of us just couldn't stand by and ylet this happen again (yes they were together again after a 1 year seperation and the same thing happened again). I was one of those who just couldn't take it any more. I gave her money and more money to help with phone bills , gas in the car of course this was before I found out he was doing drugs once I found out I stopped witht he money. I am willing to help but not to buy drugs. Finally I just decided that I had enough and stop calling her and just stopped being a friend. I am sad by this but still angry that she would allow him to use her like that and I am not willing to stand by and let it contuine there fore I will not just go back to the way things were. However it did teach me that the best thing a friend can do is offer advice and when that advice is not taken a shoulder to cry on when things blow up. Michelle asked for our advice and responsed several times Thank you but I need to still be in this relationship. Ithink our place now is to be here if and when she needs a shoulder to cry on and to do it without any I told you so.
This is just my 2 cents on this and Michelle if you read this and need a shoulder I am sure there are more than I who will let you cry.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 30
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 01:54 pm: |
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Digs in pocket to bring up 2 cents .....
OK here is the fact ..Michelle IS an ADULT ..she is FREE to choose her man ..NONE of us are there ..NONE of us know what its TRUELY like in that relationship for her ..THERE FORE we SHOULD not SIT BACK and wait for this to fail .....
WHO SAID IT WILL !!!!!!!
ok yeah i did add my share telling her to leave ..BUT whom am i but typed out words to her ...HE is flesh and blood ..he wipes her tears .. he comforts her fears ....
Now we all need to regroup ..I think she did a tremendiously brave thing coming here ..and WE ATTACKED her for it ...
its HER life ..... HER LOVE
we ALL see faults in others relationships ...i for one am going to take back my stone that i tossed as my house is made of glass too ...
Should the relationship fail IT WILL NOT be over what we dicussed so no I TOLD YOU SO's should be cast ...
and to you Michelle ..Good luck and i HOPE you find the happiness in which you seek and work out the issues you need to move past. |
Pinkcheeks
Junior Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 183
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 02:28 pm: |
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I don't think we attacked her at all...I think we shared her emotional pain and only wanted the best for her - as she was the one who asked for advice (and was VERY gracious about thanking us for that matter - way to go girl ~~its shows that you have class)
Blonde...I do not think anyone in this den will throw "I told you so" at Michelle. As a matter of fact, if you re-read some of these responses, you will see that we DO wish her well, want the best for her, and are willing to lend an ear or shoulder if need be.
Yes, Michelle is an adult and will make her own decisions...we will STILL be here for her no matter what happens.
PS...Michelle...Do what is best for you girl~we are rooting for you
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 525
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 03:52 pm: |
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Well said, Pinkcheeks.
You know I don't believe that I've "ever" seen attacks in the Den. What I've read here were opinions, to a specific question, and concerns expressed, regarding what was posted, not only by the OP, but by others that brought about additional topic/comments.
My own responses were based on multiple postings from the OP on the same subject. I expressed my own opinions and personal experiences, as well as thoughts based on what others said throughout the thread.
The whole point of asking a question is to get opinions from others, right?
Sometimes, threads continue to be discussed, even when the originator bows out of it. Why is that a problem now? I actually thought this thread had been dead already for well over a week, so I'm surprised to see it causing such an issue now.
Admonishing the entire group, for some perceived "attack" is a bit over the top, as I see it. I saw no attack, or did I miss something? I saw no "I told you so" posts. Maybe I interpret things differently.
One thing that I'd like to ask, is posters refrain from talking for the entire group by stating "we" did something, or didn't do something. It's best to only speak for yourself when expressing opinions.
K |
Shylah
Spanko
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 729
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 04:28 pm: |
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What I plan to do is to wait until Michelle needs someone to talk to. Wait until she needs us again. She asked for opinions and made her decision on those opinions. Like an adult. She stated her stand at this time and I for one will respect that. If the relationship succeeds or fails will be on the decisions she and her partner make.
She knows that if she needs anyone of us again, she knows where she can find us.
Good luck to you Michelle. I will be thinking of you so keep posting!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 31
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 05:58 pm: |
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ok reading your responses i can see MY comment was misinstrude.
At no point did i NOT mean well for michelle ..
I in my "I TOLD YOU SO" ..comment was ACTUALLY responding back to the post above mine ....
I was telling her to follow her heart all along in emails
and by attacking ..what i ment is ...at times we TRIED to convince her to leave him
Yes it was personal oppionions ...which we are intitled to have ....and share.
EVEN though she kept stateing she wanted to stay with him ....
we only offered her a few choices ....
Stay, go ..ultimatium
I am sorry if you all took offence in my response ..it was not written in defensive mode but rather in attentive...as i reread ALL the posts ....INCLUDING mine too ..and relised that the inital post was ...
*************************************************
So I am breaking rules left and right ...and it is making him angry and frustrated to where he just says whatever which in turn makes me upset because then I feel he doesn't care ...it's just this long cycle of misery ...I am at a loss on what to do and the only thing I have been doing for the past three days is crying myself to sleep every night over it. Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!******
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and ok i overstepped my boundry here ...by assuming with what i read that MOST were trying to give reasons why she should leave ....comparing to theirs and others relationships ...
**********************************************
Now we all need to regroup ..I think she did a tremendiously brave thing coming here ..and WE ATTACKED her for it ...
its HER life ..... HER LOVE
we ALL see faults in others relationships ...i for one am going to take back my stone that i tossed as my house is made of glass too ...
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to refrase that
regroup = step back
Attacked = ment we TRIED to convince her to leave ..
its HER life HER love ...
then i stated we all see faults in other relationships .....
I for one KNOW no one i know would of married my hubby he is WAY to cranky for anyones taste ..i see past that ...(just an example )
ALL i ment was .......she stated her FINAL oppionion ...and we should ALL respect her dicision ...
AND TRUST IT TOO!!!!!
I can make no more appoligies for what i stated ...
actually it is ..IN MY way of speach ....very similer to what redhinney said
*****Everyone Michelle made the decission to stay in the relationship as people who share in her pain and her pleasure we need to be supportive of her decsion even it is one we would not make for ourseleves
************************************************
and
However it did teach me that the best thing a friend can do is offer advice and when that advice is not taken a shoulder to cry on when things blow up. Michelle asked for our advice and responsed several times Thank you but I need to still be in this relationship. I think our place now is to be here if and when she needs a shoulder to cry on and to do it without any I told you so
***********************************************
I simply STATED it was HER decision ...and none of us really knew what the relationship really did for her , what pleasure she drew from it ...how he comforted her ...how he eased her fears ... so i stepped back ..removed my stone ..due to living in a glass house myself ...and wished her luck
((((***oh yeah my caps are NOT yelling but stressing unless the WHOLE sentence is capped****)))))
I know we were ALL being supportive to her ..this i do not undermine ....and i for one am HAPPY for her and wish her well ...(sorry for making you a third person michelle)
and i appoligise to any whom may of taken personal offence in being grouped with all whom cared enough to respond to her |
Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 339
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 07:00 pm: |
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Oh my God I hooe I didn't start anything I was just making a suggestion that we need to be supportive of Michelle no matter what decision she made because it is her life. Please everyone do not fight over this- I didn't post my message for that reason beside I like each of you and this difference is what makes this list serve work.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Blistering_blonde
New member
Username: Blistering_blonde
Post Number: 32
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Monday, March 20, 2006 - 07:27 pm: |
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Not with me ..i am afraid with my agreeing with you i started something *S*
I forget this site is NOT used to my stressing of words and took it to offence when i did |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 529
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 06:16 am: |
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Blistering_blonde, I personally did not take offense to your expressed opinions, but just asked that you not refer to all of "us" (the entire group), when expressing how you personally felt, especially when you were speaking about "attacking" Michelle. (I did see your explanation to using the word "attack," and that it wasn't exactly the word you meant. That helps to explain a bit.)
I just didn't see those attacks, thus my previous response. As I stated in my own post, I only read posts from people expressing sorrow for her trying situation, and that she has to struggle at all, with any type of issues in a relationship, with a man she obviously loves. Michelle has been posting here about as long as I have, and I've only seen a warm, caring and considerate person expressing herself here. I think it's safe to also say that most people that read her posts will feel the same. There are people that you warm up to right away, and I think Michelle is one of those people. I also believe that's why people are responding to her, regarding the subject matter, because they all feel that she deserves the best. Good people deserve good things. Michelle deserves happiness, as do all of us. (I think it's safe to group "all" into the "happiness" category.  )
I believe that all of the responses were in consideration of Michelle, and not to undermine her. I also think the only "attacks" present might have been toward her man, and not toward her though (although nonetheless painful to read).
Your one post suggested that "we" ALL "attacked" her. That just wasn't the case. I appreciate you clarifying that the word "attack" wasn't the word you meant to use.
Where's the fight? 
I think it's important to clarify things, so that hard feelings don't fester into something more, based on maybe misinterpreting someone's intent, or words written. There's no fight on this end, and I think this is a good lesson in how the use a word (such as "attack" in this particular case) can mean totally different things to different people.
K |
Ftopinmichigan
Spanko
Username: Ftopinmichigan
Post Number: 530
Registered: 09-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 06:30 am: |
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I forget this site is NOT used to my stressing of words and took it to offence when i did
__________
Blistering_blonde, I used to write with a format similar to your own, for emphasis on words, and I actually was "attacked" for writing that way, when someone interpreted my posted response as shouting, or being condescending, with those emphasis points scattered throughout my remarks. They went on to explain their feelings on the topic. I appreciated that they took the time to explain how they read my response, and I could see their point of view, and thereafter even changed my own writing style, based on her suggestions. (We also began corresponding regularly after that confrontation...and in a good way.)
She seemed to think that the capped words were used to raise the voice, as is seen generally in Internet chats. That's how it's universally seen, I suppose.
For emphasis, she had suggested using quote marks, in a more subtle and less confrontational way to inject emotion, or a way to stress a word or sentiment.
I wish I could find her e-mail, as she explained it so well.
It worked for me, and I found people began to read me differently, and more the way I intended my posts to come across.
Only a suggestion, if you think that's why your words are being interpreted other than intended.
I read a lot of emotion in your responses, but just figured your an impassioned type person.
K |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1430
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 07:34 am: |
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We dont DO attacking here at the Den. I didnt read anyone's post in that way....and knowing the affection we all have for each other, I wouldnt be looking for one. I'm sure we all want the best for Michelle, whether she stays with her Dom or not...and will support her any way we can.
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Redhinney
Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 343
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 10:35 am: |
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Caution Explanation below:
Being that I was the one who said I think we all need to be supportive of Michelle I feel that I need to expalin why I said tht. To me it seemed even after this issue was put to bed meaning Michelle said that she was going to stay int he relationship that several people posted that she needed to get out and asked her why is she staying with this man. Yes if you read all the post they do wish the best for Michelle but my concern was that Michelle might take the post after she admitted that she was staying as a afront to her decision. I used the story about my friend as a way to say look I did it wrong in the past and I wouldn't do it wrong now. When my friend was going thru her crisis all of us kept telling her to get out it seemed that's all we talked about we actually without realizing it made her feel wroast than she was already feeling. So MY (yes I did use capitals only to piont out me)post was to say I wll support Michelle in whatever position she decides is right for her. I in no way might to imply that we were attacking her and if anyone takes it that way I am very very sorry but I think that the problem with e mail and list like this is words do not always show the true meaning that the person is try to get across. So again if anyone felt that I was being a snip or that I offended anyone I am truly sorry. My intention was to be supportive of Michelle in her decision.
Yes wolfie we do have affection for each other and we show it by rallying when one of us is in pain and asking when one of us is missing for a while and I for one know that this will never chance no matter how strongly we disagree with each other.
Again just my 2 cents on this atter and again I am sorry for offending anyone.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Kennysspankee
Junior Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 170
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 04:45 pm: |
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I didn't attack her but felt my opinion was attacked. I see nothing wrong contributing to help a relationship as in "making yourself more attractive". Relationships break up every day because one or the other "lets themself go". There are lots of fish in the sea. Whether the main reason is lack of a relationship or love has fizzled away due to non-attentive ways or just not attracted to that person any more, needs to be decided. Advising someone to divorce or end a relationship on a bit of information they may give is aways a drastic solution. Communication is always the key. If there are underlying reasons and convenient excuses are being used, there's only one way to find that out. In a long distance relationship you gotta wonder, how much do you really know about this person? |
Admin
Board Administrator
Username: Admin
Post Number: 52
Registered: 03-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 - 08:30 pm: |
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When someone comes here and asks a question, we do our best to advise them. Tmichelle handled our comments gracefully and with honesty, I don't see why anyone else had to jump in and speak for her. If she has something to say, let her say it. If you wanted to offer her support, that was easy enough to do without lecturing the rest of us about what we said.
Normally I delete or edit posts that go off-topic like this but since I came so late to this one (I'm not at home at the moment) I'll leave them for now. Let's try to keep these discussions on-topic and speak only for yourself and not others. Thank you! |
Kennysspankee
Junior Spanko
Username: Kennysspankee
Post Number: 173
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 03:37 pm: |
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If I'm being accused of lecturing, I'm sorry it was taken that way. It was not meant to be a lecture. I was only backing up the reasons for why I said what I said on the 6th. because that's all I felt I could advise on the information I had. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2058
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 03:58 pm: |
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I think the original issue here has been discussed and resolved. Let's all take a deep breath and move on to the next topic.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 698
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 22, 2006 - 06:08 pm: |
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Kennysspankee, I wasn't talking to you! Sorry about not clarifying to whom I was speaking. I meant Redhinney and Blistering_blonde in my post. I should've been more specific but I was in a hurry as I'm on the road again.
Fanny's right though, we need to move on. |
Admin
Board Administrator
Username: Admin
Post Number: 53
Registered: 03-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 23, 2006 - 09:15 am: |
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Off topic posts deleted. Please go back to the original subject. Thank you! |
Tmichellebrat
Junior Spanko
Username: Tmichellebrat
Post Number: 129
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 01:24 pm: |
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Hi Ladies,
Sorry it has taken me so long to come back on here and respond but I have been gone for the last week and a half. First of all I would like to say that I "never" felt attacked by anyone's advice, suggestions, or comments here...I truly have felt at home here and I feel that everyone of you who has posted here to my original question does care and I appreciate that. As far as the suggestions that were made to me that I should leave the relationship ...I didn't take offense to those at all ...in fact I was seriously thinking about leaving this relationship even before I came on here to pose the question...but I needed advice on it to see if I was making the right decision or if I needed to actually not run away from another relationship and instead work on it. Ladies I am sorry if this caused any confusion or caused hurt feelings....I didn't mean for that to happen at all. Everyone here has been so very helpful to me and I am glad that I have a place to come to where I know I have friends who can offer such great support, advice, and suggestions.
As I said in an early post on here I have made the decision to stay in the relationship with "B" because I do love him and I know he loves me and I think that we can work out our problems but it's going to take some time and patience. I am the type of person who wants what she wants "now"...I hate waiting and I have very little patience but I have come to realize that I need to have more patience in this relationship and I need to give "B" a chance to prove himself as far as our "spanking" relationship goes. I just want to say thankyou to all you ladies here at the Den ...thanks for your support ...your suggestions...your advice...but most of all thanks for your love and care! |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1469
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 02:40 pm: |
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Your welcome Michelle, and I know we all wish you much happiness and success in your relationship. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Sassyaawaa
New member
Username: Sassyaawaa
Post Number: 39
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - 09:46 pm: |
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Michelle, may you find all the happiness, love, spanks and laughter life has to offer. I understand about wanting what you want now but we all know that good things are worth waiting for, even if we DON'T want to wait.
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