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Mistydawn
New member
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 23
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 06:07 am: | 
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Hi sorry but I still can't get this niggle out of my head.
I was just reading some old threads and again it popped up about being punished for not doing something how the top likes it. I'm all for being punished when I don't do things like he wants. hey I'm all for being punished anytime but I just get off on the realease of contol and of being his.
What happens when he/the one in charge does something stupid. Please don't tell me they don't do stupid things -the majority of them are men so they can't help it. Who are they responsible to. I look forward to the repies.
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Errr I sometimes get the feeling I should be a domme not a sub!
MISTY-DAWN |
Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 112
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 06:58 am: |
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In my house we have a total double standard. M can do things that I get spanked for with no repercussions. We are not DD though, just SM.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Mistydawn
New member
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 24
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 07:30 am: |
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I'm still new to the abbreviations.By SM do you mean slave/ master or submissisive and another M word I can't think of or something else.
I like the phrase double standards -I can live with that- god it even makes it more attractive much more attractive!!!!!!.
Its the thing about 'IF' the top is seen as the wiser/ better 1/2 that I am having a wee bit of trouble with.
Misty |
Pinkcheeks
Spanko
Username: Pinkcheeks
Post Number: 424
Registered: 12-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 07:31 am: |
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Misty...I have been married for 31 years and you are right - a top (male or female) can do stupid things. "R" is solely responsible for his own behavior. There is no way I would spank him, but if his actions/behavior/decisions involve our household, then we talk about it. I look to him for support, guidance, love...etc...and he does the same with me.......only difference - He is my top, I am not his 
"Thought I WAS being a good girl...really I did!"
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Mistydawn
New member
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 25
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 07:42 am: |
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aahh pink cheeks I like that too.
As I'm new to all this lots of things about what I believe keep clashing. I have lived my life the total opposite of what I desired. I have really strong views on equality and yet I yearn domination and sometimes the 2 ides don't always meld.
Others input is really helping tho' and I think I'm gaining a little understanding. I think i'm going to keep a little diary of all the phrase that make me feel good or that help me gain understanding.
I look to him for support, guidance, love...etc...and he does the same with me.......only difference - He is my top, I am not his. is going to be right there at number 1.
MIsty |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 940
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 09:06 am: |
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My hubby doesn't really do punishment spanking. Ours is mostly for play. If I want a serious one, I tell him. And if he does something wrong, he is in the doghouse. Ours is an equal relationship. It was marriage, not a sale.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Bailey
New member
Username: Bailey
Post Number: 11
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 09:43 am: |
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In my relationship I just have to accept that when I made a decision to submit, that meant "even when he is a dork head." If he had done something that is hurtful or is a real issue, we will sit down and talk about it. Both of us care about working through problems or we wouldn't have been suited to each other in the first place. However when it comes right down to it he has the authority (because I gave it to him) to punish me whether or not I agree, and I have to accept that sometimes he is just going to do things like a guy.
Bailey
"She makes love just like a woman ... but she breaks just like a little girl."
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Tammynx
Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 482
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 10:15 am: |
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Tammy messed up...ROFL
(Message edited by shylah on May 18, 2006) |
Tammynx
Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 483
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 10:17 am: |
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Bailey you and I sound a lot alike. My husband has the authority becasue that is my choice. We talk everything over from bills to food. However..even if he is dork head (to use your phrase) He is still the HOH. We will always discuss problems because that is what you do in a marriage....even if he is HOH. I don't want to be the head of the house....
If he thinks punisment is necessary then it usually is. I have never known him to be unfair about any of it.
I would never try and spank him...thats not me and it sure isn't him. When he is a dork I tell him he's being one!! If he doesn't want a burned meal...he might try to NOT be a dork!! |
Tammynx
Spanko
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 484
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 10:23 am: |
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heyyyyy it was my computer really it was!!! |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2331
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 11:40 am: |
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In our household, everyone is held accountable for their actions. We just deal with them in different ways. I respond well to spankings, R does not, but he needs to make restitution in his own way. If both of us are upset, the issue needs to be tabled until we are both more rational. It is the same way with our children, we do not spank them, but they have to be accountable for there behavior as well. We do what works best for each individual.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Otter
Junior Spanko
Username: Otter
Post Number: 86
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 01:46 pm: |
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When my husband does something stupid, I tell him. Yeah, if my feelings are hurt (and usually they are) I get to be a brat and I don't speak as diplomatically as I should and I usually end up with a sore ass for my attitude. That doesn't change the fact that he did something stupid and possibly hurtful. If he has (and it's not just me misinterpreting or overreacting for some other reason), he apologizes. He is accountable to himself and the fact that he must earn and feel he deserves the trust I place in him. What kind of person would he be if he took my trust and submission and used it as an excuse and license to run slipshod over me, with no regard for my feelings or interests? Not the kind of man I would have married and not any kind of man he could live with being.
He is the HOH and I would never punish him. I can't spank anybody, much less him. The very idea of it makes me a bit squeamish, truthfully. I have no physical restitution to lay on him. But he doesn't need it. Being spanked doesn't meet any need for him, not physically and not emotionally. So what would be the point? To even the score? I have heard people suggest that and all I can say is "Puh leeze!" I mean, yeah, if you both need spanking then go for it, but if you don't what's the point of everybody getting it just to measure up to some ideal of equality?
I have some thoughts on equality and feminism and submission, Misty. I have been dealing with a very similar issue my whole marriage even though I only submitted a year and a half ago. As a stay at home mom (and a "baby machine" as I have had more than one ranting feminist call me, LOL) and a feminist, this is something I have dealt with on many levels. To my mind, equality, equal rights, freedom is not about the freedom to have a job or to refuse to have babies or to be in control of every little thing. The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose. I choose to be ultimately available to my children and family. I choose to eschew outside employment. I choose to give him control over me, my life, my body, our family, to whatever degree he wishes to exercise that control. How can I not be exercising my rights when I am choosing to live exactly the way I want to?
We have an equal relationship. I am equal in power because my opinions and my feelings and my interests hold utmost sway with my husband. I am equal in value because he prizes me more than he does anything else in this world, including himself. The only thing I gave up was control and authority. I can't say as to how I've missed *them*.
Thanks for asking some great questions, Misty!
o*
"Sometimes love don't feel like it should." -John Cougar
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Subbie
New member
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 39
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 03:31 pm: |
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we are into erotic and play spankngs not DD, each one is responsible for what we do, we talk about what went wrong and iron out our differences.
i am a firm believer in he is man and i am woman and we don't want to step on each others feet. doesn't always work but we will work on it and then move on.
my name says it all
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Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 115
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 05:16 pm: |
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Misty--
SM stands for sadomasochism -- the last part of BDSM.
If M really does something stupid, we talk about it and work it out. Same with me if I do something stupid. We don't spank for real offenses.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Fireman_chris
Junior Spanko
Username: Fireman_chris
Post Number: 118
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 06:33 pm: |
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My wife and I engage in both play and disciplinary spankings. She occasionally spanks me for fun, but never for discipline though...she's the only one who receives those (by mutual choice).
That being said, I don't spank her for things I do myself. For example, my desk is a mess most of the time, so I wouldn't spank her for that type of thing. Actually, I usually only spank her as discipline for things that are dangerous (like leaving the keys hanging in the front door lock), self destructive (like not getting enough sleep on a regular basis) or something we've previously discussed her not doing (like dumping the paper shredder contents loose into the trashcan so they fly all over the driveway when I dump the trash into the outside can).
Neither of us is interested in my being spanked as discipline.
As you slide down the banisters of life
may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Old Irish Proverb
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Mistydawn
New member
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 26
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 03:48 am: |
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I don't know if they were supposed to be funny but they made me laugh. Your wife sounds a lot like me. If I was spanked for everytime I lost my keys I wouldn't have a bottom left.
I know that whenhn it comes down to it everything is ok if it's mutual choice.
I ask all these questions but I tried being the top with my husband(for an agreed time period)and although I say it my self I think I was damm good, it had no soul and I hated it and stopped it before the end. All I want is to be his and to be held in everyway within the confines of those bonds .
MistyDawn |
Pagan
Spanko
Username: Pagan
Post Number: 437
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 07:48 am: |
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Well, I suppose I don't know what I'm talking about, since I don't get spanked for discipline, but that doesn't stop me from having an opinion. 
First of all, I consider myself to be a feminist. That does not mean that I hate men, or that I blame men for all woes suffered by women.
My fundamental belief is that everyone has equal worth, regardless of gender, colour, religious belief, sexual orientation, etc. We should all have the opportunity to reach our full potential - all kids deserve to be educated. I'm a big believer in a 'meritocracy'. I don't care who your father was or how big a house you live in. I care about what you bring to the table in terms of skills and attitude.
So, it drives me crazy when so called feminists tell women that they aren't supposed to be stay at home moms. Aren't supposed to want to submit to their husbands.
I never got that - don't let men tell you what to do. Let us do it instead. Please.
It's about having the right to choose the life you want. And if submitting to your man brings you happiness and fulfillment, then go for it. You're happy, he's happy...doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Personally, I believe that asking my husband to spank me was an affirmation of my feminism. Having the courage to go after what I wanted and needed.
Ok, rant over. I tend to do that. You might have noticed. 
Anyway, I believe in equal but different. We don't have to have the same role to have the same value within a relationship.
If one partner wishes to be spanked for misbehaving and the other does not, so what? It's not tit for tat. It's about meeting the needs of both individuals in the relationship.
We all make mistakes. Tops are no different than we are. I have yet to meet anyone who hasn't made the odd bonehead move now and then.
That doesn't mean they aren't worthy of respect.
My husband annoys me sometimes, and I'm quite sure I must get on his nerves too. Even I can recognize that I have my moments  - far more than he does, actually.
We don't do discipline, but I've gotten the odd swat now and then that I'm not at all certain could be considered entirely 'friendly', although they're never hard. And I've noticed that occasionally (particularly after I've been a bit, well...difficult) I get spanked a little harder than usual, or with an implement I'm not exactly in love with, the next time he happens to have me OTK. Coincidence? Hm...
If I called him on that, he'd deny it, but I'm not completely stupid. I looked over my shoulder last week and said, "I can tell you mean this, you asshole" and he just laughed and told me to shut up.
After three years of spanking me erotically for no reason other than bringing me pleasure...if the man wants to occasionally take out a little frustration whent he opportunity arises...I'm not going to give him a hard time about it. I think he's earned the right. It's not like he's hurting me.
Do I want to reciprocate? No. Wrong dynamic, and spanking isn't his thing. I just bitch at him instead. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 969
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 08:53 am: |
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AMEN Pagan!!!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 840
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 10:29 pm: |
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I don't do well with most feminists, just because my choices aren't what they'd choose doesn't make mine less worthy. Yet, some of them seem to think so. And to that I say 
As for the original question, Dan's human and he makes mistakes, I accept that. I think it's completely fair, too. He's taken the role of the HOH and all the responsibility that goes with that. He cherishes and loves me and he shows that to me on a daily basis.
So if he makes a mistake, I could never hold it against him or expect him to pay for it in any way. I definitely could never reverse roles with him. It's not in my nature. I'm the one who likes to be on the receiving end of spankings and dominance in this house, not him.
Besides, if Dan makes a mistake, he's harder on himself than I ever could be. He apologizes and I forgive him. Then we move on. He holds himself accountable and that's enough.
Other people do this differently, this is just the way it is in our relationship. |
Mistydawn
New member
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 27
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 04:41 am: |
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It's so nice to hear the view points on here and basically the same thing comes across love and respect and do what works for you. We've always had the love but I would say sometimes fell short on the respect front. Wayne is calmer and more stable than me and although I am more emotionally intelligent/aware than him and can get things done quicker even better with him at the reins he pulls me in, he keeps me centered, calm(Well calmer). And what I love most he gives me permission to be me and to succeed. Something I could never give myself. And as the icing on the cake it just turns me on so much.
(Message edited by mistydawn on May 20, 2006) |
Sarahsbrat
New member
Username: Sarahsbrat
Post Number: 15
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 15, 2006 - 04:04 am: |
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Definite double standard thing here too. I get spanked for things, Sarah does not.
When we chose to be in this lifestyle it was with the agreement that she was the one in control. I give her lots of kudos for that. Although I do firmly believe we are hard-wired into what we are and therefore cannot help ourselves LOL.
I willingly gave that control to her, to make sure I stay safe and protected from others and myself.
If she makes a mistake or does something others might think of as stupid so be it, she's human and deserves a break.
Not just any naughty brat...Sarahsbrat
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