| Author |
Message |
    
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 21
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 18, 2006 - 09:23 pm: | 
|
hey guys...i have a little problem. for those of you who don't know, i have a mentor/disciplinarian. on monday i have an over due discipline spanking coming. i'm nervous for it however i have a slight problem. i can never submit and my mentor has reached a limit and has said that it won't be forced, it has to be me realizing it is what i need and to submit. by submit i mean that i have to go otk on my own... i stall and argue and don't do as i am told. it takes me forever to go otk. i know inside that i need it but i can't physically bring myself to submit and willingly lay otk in order to get my discipline. once i am over, i am good to go and behave properly, it is going otk that i have a hard time with and my mentor has basically given me an ultimatum. so, any suggestions? help? advice? thanks guys! you are all the best!  |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 963
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 05:08 am: |
|
It seems to me that you are experiencing the loss of control. By submitting to go OTK on your own, you are giving up your control. As females, we have to constantly defend our rights to have minds of our own, to be in charge of our own lives. What he is wanting you to do is give him the complete control for the spanking. Since it is for discipline, he may be wanting you to give total submission in order for you to receive the punishment totally.
If you are willing to submit to the discipline, you must be able to will yourself to submit to giving up that control for that period of time. And that means going over his knee on your own.
I know that it is a hard thing to do. Mentally prepare yourself...practice by going over the arm of the couch or a chair. Vision the arm as his knee and stand there, put yourself in the frame of mind that it is what is required and do it a few times. If he wants you to bare your own bottom, practice that as well when you are across the arm.
Try some mental preparation. If you respect your mentor, you will give him your gift of submission.
Let me know how you get on! PM me if you need and we'll talk privately if you feel more comfortable with that.
I care.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 22
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 12:56 pm: |
|
thanks shylah...i do respect my mentor, A LOT but it's still hard. and i get discouraged with myself and i get disappointed with myself because i do want to submit and i do know that i need this. my brain is too stubborn when it comes down to me doing it. i am going to try doing what you said. thanks! |
Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 118
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 01:01 pm: |
|
Perhaps you don't want to give up control, but here is another idea. Perhaps you don't want to give yourself permission to get what you know you really want. You want to be spanked or you wouldn't be going to a disciplinarian. But you don't feel entitled to get your needs and desires met, so you make him force you. I know that story personally!
I think you should work on telling yourself that it's OK to get your needs met. You can also try the things that Shylah suggests. Don't sabotage yourself. Do what the man tells you for your own good!!
Cheers,
Victoria
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2364
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 01:33 pm: |
|
Victoria, I think you hit the nail on the head. I am one who never wants to submit, yet I enjoy being spanked. It is hard for me to accept that it is what I want, so it is easier to be "taken". I also think that part of the fun of a spanking is the added excitement of the pursuit. That being said, it is a different situation with a mentor. That person would need to believe that s/he is spanking you because you are in complete cooperation.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 976
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 01:53 pm: |
|
Both Victoria and Fanny make very valid points.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Think about everything that has been posted and get yourself in the frame of mind you need to be in order to carry out the wishes of your mentor.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
|
Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 121
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 03:22 pm: |
|
Fanny,
For years I wondered what made me want spanking. I decided that it's not that I feel guilty about having sex per se, but that I don't feel that I'm entitled to have pleasure. So I can only ask for what I want by saying that I don't want it. Luckily M gets that.
Cheers,
Victoria
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2369
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 03:28 pm: |
|
I follow you there, Victoria. It is great to have someone who knows and understands us. It is important to have a relationship with someone who knows when "no" means NO and when it means "make me"
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 122
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 04:02 pm: |
|
Exactly. I used to want M to make me, but it got to be too much. It's exhausting for her and painful for me. I like being spanked but knocked to the floor and subdued -- well that just scares me! But the fact that I know she can make me turns me on!! I bet you get my drift. ;)
Cheers,
Victoria
|
Beachley
Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 372
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 19, 2006 - 08:59 pm: |
|
Uh Oh here is something that always gets me through the situation when I need to submit. I don't look at it as submitting, because are you really submitting?
Are you really giving up any control when you are the one that places yourself OTK without any help from your mentor/disciplinarian? I would say that YOU are in total control at that time. It is your decision and you are doing what you want and what you need to do for yourself.
You are basically giving him the right and the privilege to be your mentor/disciplinarian. So ultimately you do not lose any control.
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
|
Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 16
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 12:34 am: |
|
I can still remember the punishment spanking I got otk, with the hairbrush, which I hate! My Dom just told me to get the hairbrush on my way,and told me to get over his knee.It is just understood between us there is no, no in a punishment spanking. Besides he would just get up and get me anyway, which would be worse! I was so nervous I thought I would just die,however I knew I had it coming, I lost my temper which came out very disrespectful,out of frustration. He never spanks in anger,and I would trust him with my life,so I guess it made it easier,in a way.We were remodeling a house,and I wanted to work on Sunday,which is a no no in our house now.I could feel a cold coming on,and knew I was running out of time,( for feeling good) instead of discussing it,I just lost my temper,never telling him I was getting sick.When he calmly called me over,I knew right away what it was for,I was just surprized he called me on it,thought he forgot about it.The funny thing after, it made me realize he was strong enough to call me on anything I did,if he so desired,power exchange,turns out to be a turn on.So that spanking I will never forget,in a good way.But I need that level of control,or my respect would change, if I truly felt I could get away with everything,and I do get away with a lot,from time to time,......hee-hee. |
Sissy9
New member
Username: Sissy9
Post Number: 17
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 12:48 am: |
|
I had another quick thought,when you said you argue.I have a horrible habit of arguing,when I'm being scolded for something.It is like this automatic buttom gets pushed,and off I go!!!so you are not alone.I get defensive too,and finally figured out why,from what you said.In my mind I still have a chance of getting out of a spanking,so Im trying for it.Now if I'm just ordered to get in position,I already know it's too late,and it would'nt do any good just make it worse for me.I'm not trying to be a brat at all,it's just natural for me to try to get out of it if I can,but it's understood he has the last word,and I really would'nt want it anyother way,really? |
Wolfie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1707
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 09:37 am: |
|
Theres a part of me that wonders, if submitting is so difficult for you...do you really want to? Perhaps you have this idea in your head that you should submit and go mildly otk, but your subconscious is totally against the idea. Thats why its so dificult for you.
I love being submissive, and although there are times I dont go willingly...its usually just for fun. Or to ratchet up the anticipation. But being submissive is in my nature and never really all that difficult.
Maybe you dont want to be submissive Uh oh, or even do serious discipline? Theres nothing wrong with that, I know subs who dont do discipline and some ladies who do discipline but arent really submissive. Do what feels right to you...your instincts are rarely wrong. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
|
Victoria_wood
Junior Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 124
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 10:03 am: |
|
I'm not much of a submissive, but I never have any trouble bending over to take my punishment!! That's b/c I really want it.
Cheers,
Victoria
|
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2372
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 11:39 am: |
|
I am not submissive at all, it fact I am downright feisty. It takes a man stronger than me to get my attention. And YES, I love it.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
|
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 23
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 11:48 am: |
|
thanks guys! all ur advice and tips have been great. i know im not a submissive, i know that and i accept that. however, i know i need the discipline, i like it and i want it. i need to be put in my place often. its just that very first step into the session of going over that i just can't seem to accomplish successfully. hopefully i can get it right this time. thanks for everything..really, you have all been wonderful about it.  |
Ladygator2904
Junior Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 103
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Saturday, May 20, 2006 - 02:13 pm: |
|
Like you, Uh Oh, I am not submissive, and when I know its time for a spanking I want to put my fight or flight mode in gear. However, I believe this is our brain reacting to the oh my God, can I really handle the pain. BUT.... my heart and soul knows I want it and NEED it, and I am gonna feel absolutely WONDERFUL afterwards.. so, I will willingly get one of our paddles, straps and take them to G, with a big smile on my face and walk to the bedroom knowing I am gonna hate it and love it all at one time. With me it has no relationship with being submissive or dom, just getting what I so deserve... lol.. because I am an angel with an attitude. ie. just walk proudly over to your mentor ( with or without shakey legs) and smile, knowing you are about to feel a whole lot better! better yet... RACE up to him , plant your self otk and say, honey I am home  ))))
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
|
Naughtyboy50s
New member
Username: Naughtyboy50s
Post Number: 18
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 24, 2006 - 06:32 pm: |
|
Ladygator, Great advice! We may overthink a spanking. ,but remember and cherish the experience!
Sorry but you made references that were not allowed.
(Message edited by shylah on May 25, 2006) |
Little_miss
New member
Username: Little_miss
Post Number: 13
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 09:04 pm: |
|
Uh oh, maybe you just think about it too much. When "A" says that he's gonna spank me i think about it a lot and get really psyched out even if it's not all that bad. By time we get to the punishment i feel like i'm having a heart attack. Even if "A" hits me lightly, it seems like a horrible experience. Only when i actually think about it logically do i realize how beneficial and reasonable (sometimes even lenient) it is. I guess all i'm saying is maybe you're putting it on a pedistil or over analizing it. You just gotta except it and take it...try not to let it get to you. worrying never helps.
"Lately it just seems to me like we have the letters ADD branded into our mentality"
~Reliant K
|
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 24
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 01, 2006 - 07:50 am: |
|
i wanted to update everyone on what happened. i went over perfectly and i took all of your advice into consideration. thank you!! you were all great! my butt was so sore though but i earned major kudos from my mentor for submitting so well! |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 608
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, June 01, 2006 - 07:55 am: |
|
I'm glad everything worked out for you Uh oh!! |
Victoria_wood
Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 158
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, June 01, 2006 - 08:27 am: |
|
That is really great news! Congratulations on passing a milestone.
Cheers,
Victoria
|
Uh_oh
New member
Username: Uh_oh
Post Number: 26
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 07:01 am: |
|
thanks guyssss, that means alot that you guys care |
Ladygator2904
Spanko
Username: Ladygator2904
Post Number: 145
Registered: 03-2006
| | Posted on Friday, June 02, 2006 - 02:10 pm: |
|
Way to GO! 
A woman`s heart may be filled with an ocean of secrets but mine have all been released and I have a sore bottom to prove it!
|
Spanking Discussion Area 