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Mistydawn
Spanko
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 52
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 24, 2006 - 04:58 am: | 
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The main thing we are exploring at the minute is my submissive side. Spanking does come into a lot but only as a secondary and as a part of submission.
I think it would just hurt too much especially the shorter sessions.. Knowing I'm yeilding to him just sort of make it bearable. I know there are many levels of submission and it means different things to different people. I'm just interested in basicaly anything anyone has to say on the subject spanking or otherwise.
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MistyDawn
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Learning to love and loving to learn
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Subbie
New member
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 43
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 06:17 am: |
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i love my submissive role and for me it is a 24/7 thing and i sure would hate for the weekend to pass without getting spanked but we also enjoy some bondage and use it both during spankng time as well as times when i'm not getting spanked.
bondage and role play does not always have to include spankings, and spankings themselves don't always have to be so hard as to be unbearable. for us we have erotic spankings that aren't to hard and then there are times i need to be taken to the wood shed. like this weekend!!!
my name says it all
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Ogo1
New member
Username: Ogo1
Post Number: 4
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 07:52 am: |
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Here is my problem and maybe you can help me out - my hubbie has a bit of a temper and YELLS a lot. I almost left him in January but he says he loves me and it melted my heart (in January, he really lost it and pushed me down hard ...). I want to be more submissive and I love when we play - I want a good spanking. But I'm afraid. Will it make him totally dominant in all aspects of my life and will it mean I don't have any say in anything even when I disagree with him? And how do I ask for him to spank me, without him abusing his power over me? Or am I just getting it all wrong? |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 545
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 09:59 am: |
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I'm going to try and say this diplomatically as possible.
Pushing someone down ISN'T submission in way shape or form. If your husband really has that bad of temper...this may not be right for you.
Submitting to anyone needs to consenual. You BOTH agree on what your submiitting to. You should have the right to disagree. It sounds like you are really aftaid that he will abuse his power. Not eveyone is made for this life style.
Spanking is something that you BOTH agree to. ALL aspects. Without that it won't work and you will live in fear. Please give this more thought. Be sure you can agree on what you want and if you can't....don't do it. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1017
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 12:05 pm: |
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Tammy is right...that is not submission...that is abuse.
If you are frightened that he will take advantage of the situation, if it is not consentual or agreed upon, you need to forget it with him.
You aren't getting it wrong...you are just with the wrong kind of partner.
If he has that bad a temper and can't control it, I wouldn't give him the freedom to spank me.
Don't give in to manipulation or emotional blackmail. Life is too short to live with that crap.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Subbie
New member
Username: Subbie
Post Number: 44
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 12:23 pm: |
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Yelling and pushing you down is abuse, i would be really hurt if my husband did that to me, probably be gone too.
Before you start into a dom/sub situation there needs to be a lot of talking done and understanding that you are not giving up the right to have your say. if i did not submit to my husband than we would not have the life style we do.
I am sorry to hear you were abused, and one thing for sure we woman are not here to be somebodys punching bag just because they have a bad temper.
Best wishes and becareful
my name says it all
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Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2402
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 03:02 pm: |
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Don't even go into a spanking relationship with this man. I work with abused woman and I can't tell you how many times I have heard
"I almost left him in January but he says he loves me and it melted my heart"
Please be careful and go with your instincts,this ia potentially dangerous situation,
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Ogo1
New member
Username: Ogo1
Post Number: 5
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 05:30 pm: |
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Well, I agree with all of you and I will be VERY careful. We are getting counselling and he is working on anger management but I have not closed any options as yet. And I also think that this is not the time to give him the freedom to spank me.
But, on a brighter note, it is still fun to fantasize and daydream about for now. |
Fanny
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Fanny
Post Number: 2407
Registered: 05-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 05:33 pm: |
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Good attitude Ogo and good choices too.
Queen of Innocence
"Well behaved woman rarely make history"
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Wolfie
Prime Spanko
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1737
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 05:57 pm: |
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Ogo, so many women like us who enjoy being submissive to a dominant male have chosen wrong in the past. Some men see dominance as an excuse to control and hurt the woman they supposedly love. And because we long for a dominant man in our lives, one who will spank us for fun and/or discipline...we accept his bad temper and abuse, excusing his bad behavior. You deserve better.
A true Dom is a gentleman, a gentle man who enjoys his dominant side and the pleasure it brings to his partner. He's very careful not to hurt her...except for the spankings she craves. He understands that a submissive woman gifts him with her submission, and he treasures the present she has given him. There is mutual respect and trust between them, friendship and sometimes love.
If this is what you are looking for and this man cannot control his temper, you need to look elsewhere. Spanking in anger is a big no-no, pushing you around in a fit of temper is unforgivable. Please be very careful...Ive had personal experience in the past with men who used the word "love" only to their advantage. It doesnt neccesarily mean he does.
I hope everything works out well for you. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Redhinney
Advanced Spanko
Username: Redhinney
Post Number: 441
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 08:53 pm: |
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Wolfie you are a very wise women and I am very proud that I know you.
Love can't always be seen or heard but will always be felt with your heart
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Wolfie
Prime Spanko
Username: Wolfie
Post Number: 1739
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, May 25, 2006 - 09:29 pm: |
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Thank you Red, thats very kind of you. 
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.
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Butterfly84
New member
Username: Butterfly84
Post Number: 36
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 03:59 am: |
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"A true Dom is a gentleman, a gentle man who enjoys his dominant side and the pleasure it brings to his partner. He's very careful not to hurt her...except for the spankings she craves. He understands that a submissive woman gifts him with her submission, and he treasures the present she has given him. There is mutual respect and trust between them, friendship and sometimes love."
Wolfie...That was one of the most profound statements on submission I've ever read. I'm very much a submissive, it's just a natural part of my personality. I fight it at times, but I personally think that's because I was raised to be a "real" woman and to never depend on or submit to a man.
~*butterfly*~
Nobody suspects the butterfly...
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Mistydawn
Spanko
Username: Mistydawn
Post Number: 61
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 08:46 am: |
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Butterfly8884 "I was raised to be a "real" woman and to never depend on or submit to a man."
Gosh me also. Last night I said "Am I letting women down and all that they have worked hard to achieve? "
I have lots of contrary thoughts but came to this conclusion .
What women have worked hard to achieve is the right to have a choice, to be who they want to be and live how they want to live.
I chose to submit but to one man (an extremely gentle man as was said before) Through my submission our relationship is stronger and more loving and my daughters can see that.(the strength and love bit)they have no idea of the roles we've taken on)) We are hopefully bringing the girls up to be strong independent women who can make informed choices in all areas of life and that they have the strength to wait for a good partner and work at that relationship in whatever way works for them .
"I'm also trying not to think as much about 'why' and just 'do'--- but habits of a life time and all that.
(Message edited by mistydawn on May 26, 2006)
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MistyDawn
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Learning to love and loving to learn
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Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1019
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Friday, May 26, 2006 - 12:01 pm: |
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The main part of ANY relationship is TRUST
TRUST
If you can't trust your partner, you don't need to be with that person.
If you think the person will take advantage of the situation if you wanted him/her to spank you, than don't do it.
If you have ANY fears, don't do it.
If you don't feel in your heart you can trust this person, don't do it.
It's just that simple.
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Vixievamp
New member
Username: Vixievamp
Post Number: 4
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Tuesday, May 30, 2006 - 05:50 pm: |
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Yes, I was badly abused by my ex, especially after we made it an S&M relationship. So I learned the hard way that you should never get into S&M with a potentially dangerous man. I would suggest leaving. You may be mad at me for saying that, I was mad at other people when they said that to me. But it just gets worse and worse over time. First a push, then he twists your arm, then you've got a black eye. I'm sorry honey. I'm just speaking from experience. But I hope that counseling works for the two of you, I really do.
MistyDawn I love your post. That is my view on feminism as well. |
Victoria_wood
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victoria_wood
Post Number: 155
Registered: 04-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 10:14 am: |
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I agree that you should seriously consider leaving him. You can do better. Abuse is not SM, D/s or DD. If you can't trust him not to hurt you, you don't want to do BDSM or spanking with him.
Cheers,
Victoria
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Beachley
Advanced Spanko
Username: Beachley
Post Number: 378
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 05:06 pm: |
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I agree with what has been said previously, just be careful and it sounds like you are.
Mistydawn being submissive to Mr. B is not something new to our relationship which we have had now for 20 years, although the spanking part is only about 2 1/2 years old. So I think a person can be submissive the other partner can be dominant with absolutely no physical force behind the relationship at all.
It can be in the tone of voice, the looks he may give you, the guidance he may provide, the talks (lecture) that may come.
Spanking sure makes being the submissive much clearer after all is said and done, but it does not have to be part of the package in being submissive. I find it much easier to submit knowing the outcome could be a spanking though. 
The Spice of Life is having my OWN WAY!! A spanking would be nice.
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Obx_peach
New member
Username: Obx_peach
Post Number: 7
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Wednesday, June 07, 2006 - 02:35 am: |
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A true Dom is a gentleman, a gentle man who enjoys his dominant side and the pleasure it brings to his partner. He's very careful not to hurt her...except for the spankings she craves. He understands that a submissive woman gifts him with her submission, and he treasures the present she has given him. There is mutual respect and trust between them, friendship and sometimes love."
thanks for putting this into words This is exactly how I feel ! |
Prof_top
New member
Username: Prof_top
Post Number: 15
Registered: 06-2006
| | Posted on Monday, August 07, 2006 - 06:14 pm: |
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In too many of these discussions I hear about so called men being abusive. A real top doesn't do that. Lines can be blurry, but maybe the question ought to be, "Have you ever walked away from a sub because what she was asking was dangerous for her?" A real top does that. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1006
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Tuesday, August 08, 2006 - 10:41 am: |
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Good point.
I think why you hear so much about the Top being abusive is because that is the way it is most of the time. It can be very hard and very scary being bare bottom over someones knee. It isn't a good position to walk away from.
I have known of one lady though that spanking even extream spanking wasn't enough for her. I know of a couple of men that finally had to stop meeting her.
Your right about a true Dom/Top knowing when to walk away. |
Bethie
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Bethie
Post Number: 1071
Registered: 04-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 05:32 am: |
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Maybe I'm a little confused and I'm misunderstanding you here, but I haven't found abuse in this lifestyle a common thing or heard that many discussions about it. Could you please clarify what you mean here?
From my experience, people who are abusive are that way whether they are in this lifestyle or not. |
Tammynx
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Tammynx
Post Number: 1014
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Wednesday, August 09, 2006 - 11:29 am: |
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I should be clear in my statement. I wasn't talking about abuse at all. Never once with the person I know did that word even come up. She just liked being spanked harder and longer then most.
I've not heard about this lifestyle being abusive either. Only from people that DON'T live it or understand it. |
Shylah
Moderator/Spanking Aficionado
Username: Shylah
Post Number: 1277
Registered: 10-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, August 10, 2006 - 07:34 am: |
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I have never felt abused in this lifestyle. I'm not totally a submissive but I love to be spanked. My hubby would never abuse me. It was my ex that did that.
I am the first to stand and yell at the top of my lungs that there IS a life away from your abuser!!
Take my heart and soul. But please don't step on it, it breaks easily.
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Lexymalfoy
New member
Username: Lexymalfoy
Post Number: 18
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Wednesday, March 07, 2007 - 01:34 am: |
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For me it's all about trust. Being a sub myself I have 100% trust on my boyfriend dominating and punishing me.  Whether it's spankings or sex itself...I know I can trust him not to hurt me in an abusing way. I know that when we switch from boyfriend/girlfriend to Master/Pet I can trust him completely to know that the pain/pleasure he'll bring onto me will not go over board.
We also have a safe word, just in case he gets carried away. I say it...and he stops.
Sticks and stones may breaks my bones but whips and chains excite me...
...so throw me down, tie me up, and show me that you like me!
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Badgirl
Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 96
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 03:10 pm: |
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My guy and I keep trying to come up with a good safe word. But then we get the giggles, and it's all undone. 
So far, me screaming stop!, works. That, or random US States, like Arizona/Texas.
As long as I say something random and completely out of context it seems to work. And that's what counts, right? |
Lilhotmama
New member
Username: Lilhotmama
Post Number: 7
Registered: 03-2007
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 03:38 pm: |
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haha thats really cute (spouting off states)... we dont have a safeword yet either, he can just tell by my reactions I guess when I've had enough... but I agree it's a good thing to have so maybe we'll try to settle on one...
(hope I'm not guilty of highjacking although this thread seemed to have drifted on its own to abuse- on which I'd just like to say the line drawn between the two is very clear- consent vs nonconsentual) oh and wolfie had some very good points |
Vixievamp
New member
Username: Vixievamp
Post Number: 25
Registered: 05-2006
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 07:03 pm: |
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My safety word is SHARK!! |
Badgirl
Advanced Spanko
Username: Badgirl
Post Number: 109
Registered: 11-2005
| | Posted on Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 09:58 pm: |
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I started a new thread -- about safewords, it appears we could have some fun with it.
Now back to the original topic...
For me, it is all about the submission, which comes with a freedom from responsibility. But I agree with everyone else: always consensually, and never, never to intimidate or in anger. |
Aussie_jim
New member
Username: Aussie_jim
Post Number: 3
Registered: 10-2011
| | Posted on Thursday, October 20, 2011 - 02:26 am: |
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Badgirl you say "which comes with a freedom from responsibility"
Are you talking about a MY TIME, where you can forget about bills and all the every day issues.
Or did you mean something else? |
Winggoddess
Spanko
Username: Winggoddess
Post Number: 72
Registered: 09-2011
| | Posted on Wednesday, May 16, 2012 - 12:41 am: |
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Submission is not something I can easily consent to. I want to, but of course mh has no desire to dominate. I am talking with an old friend who seems to suggest that I could benefit and learn from being submissive but my darn pride gets in the way. The only person I trust fully is mh, but since he won't go there I am afraid to look elsewhere for another partner. Wolfie's statement was tremendously beautiful. That is what I want so badly sometimes it's all I can think about. |
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